I am an ordained minister and I advocate for women's rights. I consider myself both Pro-Life and Pro-Choice.
Allow me to explain this seeming paradox:
Pro-Choice
I believe in a woman's right to exercise control over her own body, and to determine for herself and her unborn child if the pregnancy should proceed or not. I believe -- no, I know -- that such a decision is not an easy one... I know this not only from conversations with women who have wrestled with this, but from my own personal experiences these past couple of months.
Finding myself unexpectedly pregnant in my 40s was very difficult. It felt like a mixed-blessing. My background in genetics made me all too aware of the higher risks of genetic abnormalities in the fetus: 40 year old eggs just don't recombine and transcribe DNA as well as 20 year old eggs do. Additionally, I'm not economically self-supporting right now. I've given up trying to find work in my previous profession while trying to build up an e-commerce business and a web content development consultancy. I'm not married to the father of the baby, and he's much younger than I am. The planet is full of wars and too many people and inhumanity and hypocrisy and indifference and environmental degradation and I really had to consider whether or not it was responsible of me to bring a child into such a heavily-burdened world.
I'm grateful I had the choice whether or not to proceed with the pregnancy if the genetic testing came back with bad news, or the baby's father didn't want the child, or I was completely destitute, or the world seemed poised on the edge of catastrophic meltdown. I'm grateful that people who think I shouldn't have that choice -- a choice exercised by women for tens of thousands of years, by the way -- don't have the power to enforce their personal preferences on me. At least for now.
Pro-Life
I believe that life is a wondrous thing, be it a single-celled bacterium, a seedling, or a fetus. I cherish it. I see God in it. I understand that even as this planet seems to be teeming with life, life as we recognize it is incredibly rare in this universe. I believe that if a pregnant woman has the ability and resources to raise a child in a safe, healthy environment, that she should proceed with the pregnancy. But in contrast with most people who self-identify as Pro-Life, my advocacy doesn't begin at conception and end at birth.
The born need Pro-Life advocacy as well, and it is my belief that if we focus on seeing that the basic needs of all born persons are met from birth forward, we'll have a world in which women won't see abortion as a necessary evil. I believe it is near-sighted and irresponsible to focus on preventing women from being able to choose whether or not to proceed with a pregnancy while ignoring the reasons why so many women see abortion as a necessity.
Simply put, I believe that people who are truly Pro-Life dedicate themselves to finding solutions to the reasons behind the perceived need for abortion instead of targeting the procedure and the women who consider it. Otherwise we're at best treating the symptoms of social ills while perpetuating the cycle we're trying to break. We need to get off our self-righteous soapboxes and hold out our hands to those in need of hope, means, and improved circumstances. We must not only recognize the need to change the world for the better, but to actually work at making it a better place to live and raise children. Anyone who does less isn't really Pro-Life -- he or she is just a small-souled hypocrite looking for a way to feel better about himself and his inaction by making others 'wrong.' And that isn't going to win anyone points Heaven -- In his Sermon on the Mount, Jesus warned against such hypocrisy, stating there would be no reward from the Father who is in Heaven for self-righteous posturing (Matthew 6:1-6).
To my Evangelical Pro-Life counterparts
We live in a world in which women are routinely raped, abused, condescended to, economically disadvantaged, and politically disempowered. Telling women they're going to burn in hell for aborting a pregnancy when they're already living in difficult -- if not hellish -- circumstances is not the way to inspire unfortunate women to bring a new life into the world.
Jesus was a radical advocate in the fair treatment of women, especially
for his time. He trusted women. He accepted women into his inner circle,
he taught women (even prostitutes!), he treated them as equals, and
perhaps most importantly, the first people he revealed himself to after
the Resurrection were women (Matthew 28:9-10). Do you think he
forgot that when most of his male followers had fled the scene, it was
women who held steadfast to bear witness to his crucifixion? Be careful
in your thoughts and attitudes and actions towards women, pregnant or not. I've a feeling
come Judgement Day many millions of Christians are in for an unpleasant surprise.
If you are truly Christian, you will be loving toward those who are poor or troubled in spirit, and even those whom you consider your enemies and evil-doers. For even as Christ's blood washed away the sins of humanity, he passed down a new and very simple law: "A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another; even as I
have loved you, that you also love one another. By this all men will
know that you are My disciples, if you have love for one another."
(John 13:34-35) "But love your enemies, and do good, and lend expecting nothing in
return; and your reward in heaven will be great, and you will be sons of
the Most High; for He Himself is kind to ungrateful and evil men."
(Luke 6:35)
Christians do not condemn nor judge. It is not our place. We are told this time and again in the scriptures. ("He that is without sin among you, let him cast the first stone at her." John 8:7) We are told to forgive, lest we be denied forgiveness ourselves. "But if you do not forgive men their sins, your
Father will not forgive your sins." (Matthew 6:15) How can we condemn others (ie abortionists) and expect that we will be forgiven for that when Jesus unequivocally states that he will not do so?
And lastly, ignore Matthew 25:31-46 at your peril. Remember, Jesus proclaimed that how you treat the unfortunate is how you treat Jesus himself, and if you fail to help the least of these, he promises to send you to the place of eternal fire where the devil dwells. We can interpret "the least of these" to include the unborn (though Jesus never explicitly spoke of children not born) but to exclude the born in your powerful concern is a willful denial of Jesus instruction that does lead straight to Hell. The Bible tells us so.
A final bit of food for thought: When it comes to reproductive organs, there are equivalencies between
men and women: penis and clitoris, testicles and ovaries. But with
regards to the uterus, God entrusted only women with wombs. He must have had His reasons for this trust in women, and I do not think that what women do with their wombs or His Trust should be questioned. It is between Woman and God.
Sunday, February 12, 2012
Saturday, February 11, 2012
Weight management during pregnancy
Late in the week I really started to feel pregnant. I can feel the rounded hardness of my uterus, see it protruding a bit (though not past my breasts), and notice that it's starting to affect the way I walk. I can't stabilize my torso/core using my abdominal muscles the way I normally do, so I'm holding my back and shoulders differently, and trying not to do the side-to-side waddle. At least, not yet.
Oh, and I feel really bloated. When I went in to see the obstetrician Friday I thought for sure she'd tell me I'd gained 10 pounds this month, that is how bloated I feel. But I've actually dropped two pounds. I'm about a 1/2 pound from my weight prior to going to Bali in October, and on target for a zero to 10 lbs net weight gain for my pregnancy.
Some people are really bothered that I'm trying not to gain any weight during this pregnancy, especially my friends and family who are nurses. They're worried I'm letting vanity get in the way of a healthy baby. It's not about vanity though, it's about having a healthy pregnancy. I worked really hard last year to lose weight and I dropped over 40 pounds. I could stand to lose 40 more -- in fact, that was my goal for 2012, before I found out I was pregnant in mid-December. I don't want to regain that weight and then have to lose it all over again, and I know that in my 40's the extra weight (and the extra calories and carbohydrates that cause the extra weight) can cause complications (such as gestational diabetes) that I'm desperate to avoid.
So I'm working with my obstetrician and my perinatologist and a dietician and a medical nutritionist to make sure I'm meeting my nutritional needs. I'm getting growth ultrasounds to make sure the baby is the right size for his age. I'm getting monthly blood and urine tests. I'm doing everything I can to make sure we're having a healthy baby -- I'm even avoiding 'diet' products that contain artificial sweeteners because of the metabolic byproducts. (For more on the subject of artificial sweeteners, see the last half of this Unintentional Mother post.)
I've also got the weight-maintenance tools I've picked up the past few years. I've learned how to handle cravings, for example. I know when to re-direct and when to relent. I know when to stop indulging (most of the time) and I know when to get rid of something tasty because I can't resist the temptation to keep indulging.
I think a lot of women gain 30+ pounds during pregnancy because they aren't in the habit of fighting cravings, and helpless under the hormonal and hunger-pang onslaught, they indulge, and indulge, and indulge. And that's ok. My sisters gained 50+ pounds with their first pregnancies. They lost it all, eventually, but one of them developed toxemia in all three of her pregnancies. They were also 20 years younger than I am now -- and I can't afford to wallow in a pint of ice cream a day, as tempting as that sounds ;)
I fully expect to put on some weight in my last trimester (which begins in a couple of weeks) because that is when the baby starts building subcutaneous fat and putting on his weight. But I'm doing everything I can to keep it under 10 pounds. For both the baby and me.
Oh, and I feel really bloated. When I went in to see the obstetrician Friday I thought for sure she'd tell me I'd gained 10 pounds this month, that is how bloated I feel. But I've actually dropped two pounds. I'm about a 1/2 pound from my weight prior to going to Bali in October, and on target for a zero to 10 lbs net weight gain for my pregnancy.
Some people are really bothered that I'm trying not to gain any weight during this pregnancy, especially my friends and family who are nurses. They're worried I'm letting vanity get in the way of a healthy baby. It's not about vanity though, it's about having a healthy pregnancy. I worked really hard last year to lose weight and I dropped over 40 pounds. I could stand to lose 40 more -- in fact, that was my goal for 2012, before I found out I was pregnant in mid-December. I don't want to regain that weight and then have to lose it all over again, and I know that in my 40's the extra weight (and the extra calories and carbohydrates that cause the extra weight) can cause complications (such as gestational diabetes) that I'm desperate to avoid.
So I'm working with my obstetrician and my perinatologist and a dietician and a medical nutritionist to make sure I'm meeting my nutritional needs. I'm getting growth ultrasounds to make sure the baby is the right size for his age. I'm getting monthly blood and urine tests. I'm doing everything I can to make sure we're having a healthy baby -- I'm even avoiding 'diet' products that contain artificial sweeteners because of the metabolic byproducts. (For more on the subject of artificial sweeteners, see the last half of this Unintentional Mother post.)
I've also got the weight-maintenance tools I've picked up the past few years. I've learned how to handle cravings, for example. I know when to re-direct and when to relent. I know when to stop indulging (most of the time) and I know when to get rid of something tasty because I can't resist the temptation to keep indulging.
I think a lot of women gain 30+ pounds during pregnancy because they aren't in the habit of fighting cravings, and helpless under the hormonal and hunger-pang onslaught, they indulge, and indulge, and indulge. And that's ok. My sisters gained 50+ pounds with their first pregnancies. They lost it all, eventually, but one of them developed toxemia in all three of her pregnancies. They were also 20 years younger than I am now -- and I can't afford to wallow in a pint of ice cream a day, as tempting as that sounds ;)
I fully expect to put on some weight in my last trimester (which begins in a couple of weeks) because that is when the baby starts building subcutaneous fat and putting on his weight. But I'm doing everything I can to keep it under 10 pounds. For both the baby and me.
Thursday, February 9, 2012
Is it responsible to bring a child into this world?
I'm working to resolve my pregnancy ambivalency. On the one hand, it's a wonderful, exciting, and beautiful gift to grow a new life within my own body. On the other hand, I'm concerned about what happens to that new life once he's born. What kind of future is he being born into? Is it responsible to bring a child into this world?
One of my serious reservations about bringing more children into the world is my awareness of the unsustainability of the American lifestyle and the effect that over-population and resource depletion is having on the planet.
I worked for nearly 7 years with inner-city kids. They amazed me very day, and broke my heart every day. I knew that for some, the meals we gave them were the only meals they'd have that day. I knew that for others, the attention we gave them was the only healthy adult interaction they had. I saw desperate parents working two and three jobs, single mothers going to school to try to provide better lives for their children, and, yes, I saw the crack-addicted parents, and the pimps and exploited women, and the drug-dealing teen gangers. It broke my heart, knowing what my kids went home to every night. And it gave me hope, seeing how much those children wanted to thrive, how hard some of them worked at school, and how readily they responded to positive feedback and influences. Many of my kids finished high school. Some died before they were 18 due to accidents, neglect, and violence. Some went on to college and climbed out of the ghetto. Some ended up as parents before their mid-teens.
Scarcity of resources and opportunity had a lot to do with the conditions in that inner-city -- has a lot to do with what is going on in the world today. As more and more people in developing countries come to enjoy non-subsistence lifestyles, the pressure on the planet grows. And I'm not just talking about things like scarcity of food and water and energy sources. I'm talking about things like the acidification of the oceans.
Ocean acidification is a serious problem no one seems to know about. Current pH levels are already interfering with the ability of corals and mollusks and crustaceans to calcify -- ie, to generate their shells and exoskeletons. It is quite possible that shellfish could become extinct in my son's lifetime -- or at least so rare that they're no longer a foodstuff. Which affects the entire food-chain in unimaginable ways. Humans have used the oceans for waste disposal and now the huge amounts of CO2 that the oceans are absorbing are affecting the basic chemistry of life in those oceans. Combine that with rising temperatures and we're sitting on a time-bomb -- and passing it like a hot-potato down the line for later generations to deal with.
The breakdown of social systems and social responsibility, the breakdown of families and communities, also have a lot to do with the conditions in the inner-city, and the problems in the world today. With the scarcity and hoarding of resources, people and corporations become numb to social ramifications. We become concerned not just with having enough to meet our needs, but more than enough. We want excess. We become obsessed with ourselves and our needs and put them before the needs of our families, communities, and society at large. People not "us" become "other." We dehumanize them so we can see them as little more than bothersome competitors for the better things in life, or worse, tools to be exploited in pursuit of the better things in life. And when enough people do that, we experience what is known as The Tragedy of the Commons. Not to mention wars and human rights violations and famines.
I'm an optimist and a pragmatist, and while I believe in the possibility that humanity will do what we need to do before it is too late, the pragmatist in me recognizes that we're already in a Global Tragedy of the Commons situation. And I'm knowingly bringing a child into this mess.
At this point, I'm choosing to be an optimist, and actively so. I'm re-committing myself to being a responsible consumer. Cloth diapers, not disposable. Recycling and re-purposing. Growing more of my own food. Using renewable, clean energy. Sharing with neighbors. Walking more and driving less.
If I don't, the future just seems too grim, especially for my unborn son, and I'd feel wrong about my decision to bring him into the world.
One of my serious reservations about bringing more children into the world is my awareness of the unsustainability of the American lifestyle and the effect that over-population and resource depletion is having on the planet.
I worked for nearly 7 years with inner-city kids. They amazed me very day, and broke my heart every day. I knew that for some, the meals we gave them were the only meals they'd have that day. I knew that for others, the attention we gave them was the only healthy adult interaction they had. I saw desperate parents working two and three jobs, single mothers going to school to try to provide better lives for their children, and, yes, I saw the crack-addicted parents, and the pimps and exploited women, and the drug-dealing teen gangers. It broke my heart, knowing what my kids went home to every night. And it gave me hope, seeing how much those children wanted to thrive, how hard some of them worked at school, and how readily they responded to positive feedback and influences. Many of my kids finished high school. Some died before they were 18 due to accidents, neglect, and violence. Some went on to college and climbed out of the ghetto. Some ended up as parents before their mid-teens.
Scarcity of resources and opportunity had a lot to do with the conditions in that inner-city -- has a lot to do with what is going on in the world today. As more and more people in developing countries come to enjoy non-subsistence lifestyles, the pressure on the planet grows. And I'm not just talking about things like scarcity of food and water and energy sources. I'm talking about things like the acidification of the oceans.
Ocean acidification is a serious problem no one seems to know about. Current pH levels are already interfering with the ability of corals and mollusks and crustaceans to calcify -- ie, to generate their shells and exoskeletons. It is quite possible that shellfish could become extinct in my son's lifetime -- or at least so rare that they're no longer a foodstuff. Which affects the entire food-chain in unimaginable ways. Humans have used the oceans for waste disposal and now the huge amounts of CO2 that the oceans are absorbing are affecting the basic chemistry of life in those oceans. Combine that with rising temperatures and we're sitting on a time-bomb -- and passing it like a hot-potato down the line for later generations to deal with.
The breakdown of social systems and social responsibility, the breakdown of families and communities, also have a lot to do with the conditions in the inner-city, and the problems in the world today. With the scarcity and hoarding of resources, people and corporations become numb to social ramifications. We become concerned not just with having enough to meet our needs, but more than enough. We want excess. We become obsessed with ourselves and our needs and put them before the needs of our families, communities, and society at large. People not "us" become "other." We dehumanize them so we can see them as little more than bothersome competitors for the better things in life, or worse, tools to be exploited in pursuit of the better things in life. And when enough people do that, we experience what is known as The Tragedy of the Commons. Not to mention wars and human rights violations and famines.
I'm an optimist and a pragmatist, and while I believe in the possibility that humanity will do what we need to do before it is too late, the pragmatist in me recognizes that we're already in a Global Tragedy of the Commons situation. And I'm knowingly bringing a child into this mess.
At this point, I'm choosing to be an optimist, and actively so. I'm re-committing myself to being a responsible consumer. Cloth diapers, not disposable. Recycling and re-purposing. Growing more of my own food. Using renewable, clean energy. Sharing with neighbors. Walking more and driving less.
If I don't, the future just seems too grim, especially for my unborn son, and I'd feel wrong about my decision to bring him into the world.
Monday, February 6, 2012
Weirdness
A lot of people don't seem to get just how weird this whole pregnancy thing is for me.
They think its about being a parent, but that isn't it. I've been assured often over the years that I'd make a good parent, and I always figured that if I felt the urge to raise a child, I'd adopt or foster. That's not it.
It's the being pregnant part.
As I told a friend of mine, it's like waking up one day to find I have blue eyes, or extra fingers. Or a man discovering he was pregnant, or something like that. It has that "It can't happen" kind of feel to it. The assumption of my infertility withstood two decades of sexual intercourse without issue. It's weird :)
For most women, being told they're infertile affects their mental and emotional schemas. Some develop an "I'm less than a woman" or "I'm not a whole woman" kind of psychological problem, but not me. I was never particularly interested in making babies, so when I got the news I was thrilled. I felt freed up to be the woman I wanted to be, without that one important thing to worry about.
So now something very foreign to me has happened and I'm pretty weirded-out. Getting over it, sure, but still going through those "damn this is weird!" moments.
All that said, it's also kind of cool. The baby moving around is pretty neat. Being more mindful of my body and what is happening to it is also pretty cool. The process of letting go of my preconceived notions of how the rest of my life was going to be is also an interesting thing. Beginning to imagine what it is going to be like is an adventure. For most women, babies are something they eventually plan on getting around to, so, consciously or not, they've created that possibility and that psychological schematic much earlier in life than I have. In my case, it's a more conscious process -- and there isn't anything to challenge or disappoint my underlying assumptions. It's more of a "Whoa, I'm pregnant! Time to think about what I want all this to look like" kind of thing than a "I always pictured my nursery like this and my home like that..."
The scariness is slowly fading for me, but it's just starting to sink in for M, I think. He mentioned last night that he's realizing just how much his various relationships are going to change. Fortunately, we're pretty solid in our relationship right now. We've been working extremely well together on the various projects -- we make a good team. Communication is good. And he's doing a good job of reminding me that he's there for me with hugs and touches and squeezes. The latter is most important to me. I was feeling alone in this pregnancy for a while, but we had a long talk and he's reaching out more.
So yeah, this pregnancy thing still feels weird, but I've a feeling I'll get used to it -- just in time for delivery. Heh :)
They think its about being a parent, but that isn't it. I've been assured often over the years that I'd make a good parent, and I always figured that if I felt the urge to raise a child, I'd adopt or foster. That's not it.
It's the being pregnant part.
As I told a friend of mine, it's like waking up one day to find I have blue eyes, or extra fingers. Or a man discovering he was pregnant, or something like that. It has that "It can't happen" kind of feel to it. The assumption of my infertility withstood two decades of sexual intercourse without issue. It's weird :)
For most women, being told they're infertile affects their mental and emotional schemas. Some develop an "I'm less than a woman" or "I'm not a whole woman" kind of psychological problem, but not me. I was never particularly interested in making babies, so when I got the news I was thrilled. I felt freed up to be the woman I wanted to be, without that one important thing to worry about.
So now something very foreign to me has happened and I'm pretty weirded-out. Getting over it, sure, but still going through those "damn this is weird!" moments.
All that said, it's also kind of cool. The baby moving around is pretty neat. Being more mindful of my body and what is happening to it is also pretty cool. The process of letting go of my preconceived notions of how the rest of my life was going to be is also an interesting thing. Beginning to imagine what it is going to be like is an adventure. For most women, babies are something they eventually plan on getting around to, so, consciously or not, they've created that possibility and that psychological schematic much earlier in life than I have. In my case, it's a more conscious process -- and there isn't anything to challenge or disappoint my underlying assumptions. It's more of a "Whoa, I'm pregnant! Time to think about what I want all this to look like" kind of thing than a "I always pictured my nursery like this and my home like that..."
The scariness is slowly fading for me, but it's just starting to sink in for M, I think. He mentioned last night that he's realizing just how much his various relationships are going to change. Fortunately, we're pretty solid in our relationship right now. We've been working extremely well together on the various projects -- we make a good team. Communication is good. And he's doing a good job of reminding me that he's there for me with hugs and touches and squeezes. The latter is most important to me. I was feeling alone in this pregnancy for a while, but we had a long talk and he's reaching out more.
So yeah, this pregnancy thing still feels weird, but I've a feeling I'll get used to it -- just in time for delivery. Heh :)
Saturday, February 4, 2012
Subscribing to this blog
Hello! If you have subscribed to the RSS feed or subscribed to receive emails for this blog, please re-enter your information or re-subscribe.
I changed the name of the blog a day after I'd set it up and forgot to update the feed links to point to the new blog data.
I changed the name of the blog a day after I'd set it up and forgot to update the feed links to point to the new blog data.
Nesting with trees
Nesting, or preparing a home for the arrival of a child, takes many forms. In our case, it's accelerating the outdoor projects we originally planned to do later this Spring / Summer. When you buy a house, you really need to live there for a year, through all the seasons, and pay attention to the micro-climates around the home, before making long-term planting decisions, like trees. Sick or mis-planted trees make me very sad, and the leaf-curl on the espaliered peach tree influenced our choice of this house. M and I both felt sorry for it, silly as that sounds. But anyway, we've been involved with the house since March of last year, and I've been observing the patterns of light and temperature and water-flow, so I'm fairly comfortable making planting choices now.
We have a large patio area on the east side of the house that gets really good east-west sun along the fence-line for most of the day. There is a peach tree and a bottle brush tree planted there already, and then a big empty air-space above the fence through which we can see onto our neighbor's front stoop. We discussed planting something there, and M really wanted an almond tree, but I explained that almonds are drupes (like peaches) and can be rather messy for patios. They also lose their leaves in the winter like peaches, which means such a tree won't provide the privacy screening we desire.
I'm a big fan of trees that provide edibles, and being a native Californian, I know that citrus trees are in-leaf year-round, and have flowers and/or fruit for most of the year. M doesn't care for citrus fruits because they're too sour and have so many seeds, but mandarins / satsumas are an exception since they are sweet and seedless. When I told him that I wanted to plant a mandarin and why, he readily agreed. For some reason he didn't think they could grow here in the Bay Area, so from that point it was a matter of waiting for planting season.
Yesterday afternoon I got a call from the garden center a few blocks away that the Owari Mandarin trees were in, and there were two 10-gallon pots to choose from (as well as numerous 5-gallon pots). Since he was working from home and getting antsy anyway, M and I walked over (yes, walked!) and inspected the trees. I liked what I saw. Good growth, proper pruning, dark, glossy leaves, and fruit still on the trees. I preferred the one with the most fruit on it because I felt that it was an indicator that the tree would keep fruit longer. M picked it because he likes satsumas, and more fruit on the tree means more fruit he can eat :)
We then walked back home and drove my GMC to the garden center to pick up the tree. Once we got it home we tackled the next step: locating exactly where and how to plant it. M admits to very little experience with growing things, never mind planting them, so with my background in plant biology, he usually defers to my judgement.
We measured. We visualized. We placed it and moved it. And then, when M felt certain that the tree, once grown, would provide the visual screening we desire, we dug. Most people don't realize that when you're planting something like a tree, that you don't dig a deep hole. You dig a wide one, twice as wide as the pot. A wide hole encourages lateral root growth, which better supports the tree, and prevents a tree from getting root-bound. Many trees fail because the root system never branches out, it just knots in on itself, strangling the tree.
We've got great soil for citrus trees, and I know that because I can see twenty of them just walking around the block. Sandy and well-draining, with just the right amount of humus (decomposed plant matter). The digging was very easy. Even digging a foot down took very little effort. We dug a trench about a foot deep and 30 inches wide, placed the tree, mixed some commercial garden soil in with the soil from the hole, and back-filled around the tree, tamping the soil fairly lightly. We soaked the soil, which drained as quickly as expected, and later this morning I'll tamp more soil in and build a little earth ring around the tree to make watering easier.
Yesterday we actually ended up picking up three other trees. Two white double-flowering weeping cherries, and one pink single-flowering tree with the same weeping habit. I was very excited to find a Prunus pendula rosaea (pink single-flowering cherry), and to find one that was 6 feet tall was a real score. None of them are flowering yet, so we can't be absolutely certain that the trees we bought are as-marked, but they're beautiful and healthy and already producing buds. We'll plant them out in front of the house once the landscaping is done in a few weeks, but in the meantime they're sitting on the patio basking in the sun, and I'll give M some lessons on the care and pruning of top-grafted trees, which is what all three cherries are.
Looking out the patio windows, I can see bluebirds and hummingbirds flitting around. The sunlight is catching on a new web some enterprising spider built on the trellis we moved in order to plant the tree. The branches of the weeping cherries are moving ever so slightly in the morning breeze. Everything is quiet and peaceful, for now. I am savoring moments like this as often and as long as I can, because I know that in four months everything will change.
We have a large patio area on the east side of the house that gets really good east-west sun along the fence-line for most of the day. There is a peach tree and a bottle brush tree planted there already, and then a big empty air-space above the fence through which we can see onto our neighbor's front stoop. We discussed planting something there, and M really wanted an almond tree, but I explained that almonds are drupes (like peaches) and can be rather messy for patios. They also lose their leaves in the winter like peaches, which means such a tree won't provide the privacy screening we desire.
I'm a big fan of trees that provide edibles, and being a native Californian, I know that citrus trees are in-leaf year-round, and have flowers and/or fruit for most of the year. M doesn't care for citrus fruits because they're too sour and have so many seeds, but mandarins / satsumas are an exception since they are sweet and seedless. When I told him that I wanted to plant a mandarin and why, he readily agreed. For some reason he didn't think they could grow here in the Bay Area, so from that point it was a matter of waiting for planting season.
Yesterday afternoon I got a call from the garden center a few blocks away that the Owari Mandarin trees were in, and there were two 10-gallon pots to choose from (as well as numerous 5-gallon pots). Since he was working from home and getting antsy anyway, M and I walked over (yes, walked!) and inspected the trees. I liked what I saw. Good growth, proper pruning, dark, glossy leaves, and fruit still on the trees. I preferred the one with the most fruit on it because I felt that it was an indicator that the tree would keep fruit longer. M picked it because he likes satsumas, and more fruit on the tree means more fruit he can eat :)
We then walked back home and drove my GMC to the garden center to pick up the tree. Once we got it home we tackled the next step: locating exactly where and how to plant it. M admits to very little experience with growing things, never mind planting them, so with my background in plant biology, he usually defers to my judgement.
We measured. We visualized. We placed it and moved it. And then, when M felt certain that the tree, once grown, would provide the visual screening we desire, we dug. Most people don't realize that when you're planting something like a tree, that you don't dig a deep hole. You dig a wide one, twice as wide as the pot. A wide hole encourages lateral root growth, which better supports the tree, and prevents a tree from getting root-bound. Many trees fail because the root system never branches out, it just knots in on itself, strangling the tree.
We've got great soil for citrus trees, and I know that because I can see twenty of them just walking around the block. Sandy and well-draining, with just the right amount of humus (decomposed plant matter). The digging was very easy. Even digging a foot down took very little effort. We dug a trench about a foot deep and 30 inches wide, placed the tree, mixed some commercial garden soil in with the soil from the hole, and back-filled around the tree, tamping the soil fairly lightly. We soaked the soil, which drained as quickly as expected, and later this morning I'll tamp more soil in and build a little earth ring around the tree to make watering easier.
Yesterday we actually ended up picking up three other trees. Two white double-flowering weeping cherries, and one pink single-flowering tree with the same weeping habit. I was very excited to find a Prunus pendula rosaea (pink single-flowering cherry), and to find one that was 6 feet tall was a real score. None of them are flowering yet, so we can't be absolutely certain that the trees we bought are as-marked, but they're beautiful and healthy and already producing buds. We'll plant them out in front of the house once the landscaping is done in a few weeks, but in the meantime they're sitting on the patio basking in the sun, and I'll give M some lessons on the care and pruning of top-grafted trees, which is what all three cherries are.
Looking out the patio windows, I can see bluebirds and hummingbirds flitting around. The sunlight is catching on a new web some enterprising spider built on the trellis we moved in order to plant the tree. The branches of the weeping cherries are moving ever so slightly in the morning breeze. Everything is quiet and peaceful, for now. I am savoring moments like this as often and as long as I can, because I know that in four months everything will change.
Friday, February 3, 2012
Observations on being 23 weeks pregnant at 43
I suppose it's just as well that I don't have a 9-to-5 job, because I find myself needing a nap every afternoon. My OB was very clear with me that since this is a high-risk pregnancy I should rest when my body tells me I need to rest. So afternoon naps it is. Sleeping is an interesting experience now, because I am normally a back sleeper and now the baby is getting big enough for my uterus to press against the nerves that run down my legs, making them tingle. I'm mostly sleeping on my side now -- until my bladder decides it's time to void it.
I've also started wearing a bra to bed so my breasts don't hurt -- which they do when I sleep on my side for any length of time. Catch-22.
I'm having vivid dreams. I often lay half-awake under the influence of a dream, thinking about something or someone. This morning it was a "Children of Men" type of dream. War-torn environment, holed up in a room feeling frightened and big with child... M got up to intercept someone coming our direction and he was dragged off, fighting. My terror spiked and I knew I needed to stay calm, but I couldn't, so I found myself screaming for Dato -- he has a very deep calm. I woke up with his name right there on the front of my brain. I was worried that my psychic scream might have woken him up where he was sleeping 700 miles away, it was that strong.
I can't suck-in my stomach anymore, either. There just isn't any place for it to go. No more sit-ups, so I'm doing reverse ones -- raising my knees toward my torso as close as I can. I'm hating lap belts when I drive, too. I don't like that pressure low on my pelvis. It feels... off. It also seems to contribute to the "I need to pee" feeling. I'm tempted to just go with the shoulder restraint only.
My hair is growing fast, which I like, but so are my nails, which I'm not so keen about. I'm clipping them daily, it seems. The best news is that I'm not getting any of the acne some women get when they're pregnant. I think it helps that I don't wear make-up.
I find that I'm walking slower, and more carefully. I can feel the baby-weight in front of me a bit, and when I go for long walks I can feel the muscles / ligaments are getting tender -- stretching. My joints are loosening up and my knees hurt much of the time. Curling up on the couch with a heated throw blanket really seems to help, though.
My libido is also raging. I think I'd have sex all day if I could, but as it is, I'm masturbating almost daily. Multiple orgasms are a breeze right now. An old lover of mine told me that when his ex-wife was pregnant he made it his mission to give her an orgasm every day. He said a happy mommy makes a happy baby. Smart man!
Food cravings are ranging from CPK chopped salads to candied ginger to dark chocolate with sea salt. I picked up some frozen greek yogurt bars at Costco to deal with the ice cream cravings. They're 70 calories and 9 grams of protein, so I feel pretty good about having one.
That nesting-instinct thing is hitting me pretty hard these days. I have this urge to get things done -now-. I just hired a landscaper to come in and re-sod the front yard later this month. I had the fruit trees sprayed yesterday. I've been using the weed-eater and the hedge trimmer and the hula hoe in daily binges -- part exercise, part OCD. I've ordered some trees, even. Two flowering cherries and an Owari mandarin. The flowering cherries (Prunus pendula) will go out front at end of the month, and when the mandarin comes in from Monrovia we'll plant it near the patio, next to the lemon bottlebrush tree (Callistemon citrinus). We'll plant pear trees next year, I think, to compliment the peach and plum we already have, and to give some shade to the back yard, which faces south.
Inside, I've torn up my bedroom. I'm going through anything still in boxes and deciding what to keep and what to donate. I might just have a garage sale, actually. I have so many boxes of my grandmother's things -- china and silver and other things I'm unlikely to ever use but can't seem to part with, so they're being stacked up in the big closet in the room we've taken over as an office. I've never been much of a hoarder, except for books, and fortunately I found homes for about 2000 books last year. The ones I have left are things like signed first editions and out-of-print books that I may just pack up to keep safe from baby-fingers. And to make room for storing baby things. My Ikea Expedit bookshelf fits most baskets so it converts easily to other uses.
I've looked at the courses that Kaiser offers for new parents and I'll take them in March and April I think -- Labor and Delivery tours, newborn care, and breastfeeding. I think M will do the first two with me. That is my preference at least, and since I rarely state preferences, he usually pays attention when I do.
I'm getting a bit anxious about the whole birthing thing, not the pain so much as things like tearing versus episiotomy, the possibility of C-section if there is fetal distress, and choosing a birthing partner with both of my sisters out of the picture. M's empathy and sensitivities are likely to make him unsuitable as a partner for the entire process. He's confessed to a preference for the 1950's cigar-in-hand waiting room level of involvement, and I'm ok with that :) We've only known about the baby for 6 or 7 weeks now, so there is still so much adjusting to do, unintentional parents that we are.
I've also started wearing a bra to bed so my breasts don't hurt -- which they do when I sleep on my side for any length of time. Catch-22.
I'm having vivid dreams. I often lay half-awake under the influence of a dream, thinking about something or someone. This morning it was a "Children of Men" type of dream. War-torn environment, holed up in a room feeling frightened and big with child... M got up to intercept someone coming our direction and he was dragged off, fighting. My terror spiked and I knew I needed to stay calm, but I couldn't, so I found myself screaming for Dato -- he has a very deep calm. I woke up with his name right there on the front of my brain. I was worried that my psychic scream might have woken him up where he was sleeping 700 miles away, it was that strong.
I can't suck-in my stomach anymore, either. There just isn't any place for it to go. No more sit-ups, so I'm doing reverse ones -- raising my knees toward my torso as close as I can. I'm hating lap belts when I drive, too. I don't like that pressure low on my pelvis. It feels... off. It also seems to contribute to the "I need to pee" feeling. I'm tempted to just go with the shoulder restraint only.
My hair is growing fast, which I like, but so are my nails, which I'm not so keen about. I'm clipping them daily, it seems. The best news is that I'm not getting any of the acne some women get when they're pregnant. I think it helps that I don't wear make-up.
I find that I'm walking slower, and more carefully. I can feel the baby-weight in front of me a bit, and when I go for long walks I can feel the muscles / ligaments are getting tender -- stretching. My joints are loosening up and my knees hurt much of the time. Curling up on the couch with a heated throw blanket really seems to help, though.
My libido is also raging. I think I'd have sex all day if I could, but as it is, I'm masturbating almost daily. Multiple orgasms are a breeze right now. An old lover of mine told me that when his ex-wife was pregnant he made it his mission to give her an orgasm every day. He said a happy mommy makes a happy baby. Smart man!
Food cravings are ranging from CPK chopped salads to candied ginger to dark chocolate with sea salt. I picked up some frozen greek yogurt bars at Costco to deal with the ice cream cravings. They're 70 calories and 9 grams of protein, so I feel pretty good about having one.
That nesting-instinct thing is hitting me pretty hard these days. I have this urge to get things done -now-. I just hired a landscaper to come in and re-sod the front yard later this month. I had the fruit trees sprayed yesterday. I've been using the weed-eater and the hedge trimmer and the hula hoe in daily binges -- part exercise, part OCD. I've ordered some trees, even. Two flowering cherries and an Owari mandarin. The flowering cherries (Prunus pendula) will go out front at end of the month, and when the mandarin comes in from Monrovia we'll plant it near the patio, next to the lemon bottlebrush tree (Callistemon citrinus). We'll plant pear trees next year, I think, to compliment the peach and plum we already have, and to give some shade to the back yard, which faces south.
Inside, I've torn up my bedroom. I'm going through anything still in boxes and deciding what to keep and what to donate. I might just have a garage sale, actually. I have so many boxes of my grandmother's things -- china and silver and other things I'm unlikely to ever use but can't seem to part with, so they're being stacked up in the big closet in the room we've taken over as an office. I've never been much of a hoarder, except for books, and fortunately I found homes for about 2000 books last year. The ones I have left are things like signed first editions and out-of-print books that I may just pack up to keep safe from baby-fingers. And to make room for storing baby things. My Ikea Expedit bookshelf fits most baskets so it converts easily to other uses.
I've looked at the courses that Kaiser offers for new parents and I'll take them in March and April I think -- Labor and Delivery tours, newborn care, and breastfeeding. I think M will do the first two with me. That is my preference at least, and since I rarely state preferences, he usually pays attention when I do.
I'm getting a bit anxious about the whole birthing thing, not the pain so much as things like tearing versus episiotomy, the possibility of C-section if there is fetal distress, and choosing a birthing partner with both of my sisters out of the picture. M's empathy and sensitivities are likely to make him unsuitable as a partner for the entire process. He's confessed to a preference for the 1950's cigar-in-hand waiting room level of involvement, and I'm ok with that :) We've only known about the baby for 6 or 7 weeks now, so there is still so much adjusting to do, unintentional parents that we are.
Thursday, February 2, 2012
Boycotting the Susan Komen For The Cure Foundation
I support the organization Planned Parenthood, and am deeply disturbed by the choice made by the Susan B Komen Race For The Cure Foundation to cut ties with Planned Parenthood due to political pressure from Right-To-Life activists.
I first used Planned Parenthood's services when I was 18. I had a basic knowledge of my reproductive system through my parents and my schooling, but I'd recently become sexually active and I was concerned about STDs, pregnancy, testing for both, etc, not to mention privacy and costs. I had my first pelvic exam at Planned Parenthood in 1986, for free. I received compassionate counseling on reproductive care, birth control, and AIDS infection prevention. AIDS had just started making the news and no one I knew had any definitive answers in those pre-information age days, so Planned Parenthood was a blessing.
I worked for years at an inner-city boys and girls club, and we had a problem in that city: Pre-teen girls were getting pregnant. So we put together a program to teach girls in the 9 to 13 age bracket about self-esteem and saying 'No' and about reproductive health. Planned Parenthood was an invaluable resource to us.
Until January, I supported the Susan B Komen Foundation, even despite the organization's uncharitable legal action against other cancer-related fundraising groups using the "For The Cure" phrase that they've apparently copyrighted. Cancer has blighted my family for generations and I was delighted to donate to an organization that focused on both cancer and women's health. But their choice to bow to political pressure from people who do not support women's reproductive rights has turned me from a supporter to an active anti-Komen activist. Planned Parenthood is one of the few organizations that provides no-strings-attached (ie apolitical, non-religious) women's health -- and thus women's breast health -- care to poor and young women. And for the Komen Foundation to cut off funding for breast-health services at Planned Parenthood is inexcusable.
I'm doing my best to raise awareness of how reproductive politics has invaded the Komen Foundation and which side they've chosen to take. I'm doing my best to raise awareness of how, in choosing sides on an issue tangential to it's stated cause, The Komen Foundation is no longer serving it's mission to bring universal screening and breast cancer treatment to all women.
While this controversy is still roaring, please re-consider your support of the Komen Foundation. Stop buying Breast Cancer Pink Ribbon products like these. Contact the Komen Foundation and urge them to keep reproductive rights politics out of their funding practices (see the note I submitted below). And most of all, please donate to Planned Parenthood so they can continue to provide breast cancer education and screening services to women all over America.
Thank you for reading.
Dear Komen Foundation--Shame on you for failing in your mission to support universal screening and breast health care by cutting off funding to Planned Parenthood. It is sad to realize that you've bowed to reproductive rights political pressures and tried to hide it by disguising your decision as being caused by the specious allegations and inquiry by US Rep. Cliff Stearns. Planned Parenthood is regularly audited to ensure compliance with the Hyde Amendment, and these audits have never turned up any evidence of wrongdoing. Please keep reproductive rights politics out of your funding practices. In making this choice you are failing women all over America. Shame on you!
I first used Planned Parenthood's services when I was 18. I had a basic knowledge of my reproductive system through my parents and my schooling, but I'd recently become sexually active and I was concerned about STDs, pregnancy, testing for both, etc, not to mention privacy and costs. I had my first pelvic exam at Planned Parenthood in 1986, for free. I received compassionate counseling on reproductive care, birth control, and AIDS infection prevention. AIDS had just started making the news and no one I knew had any definitive answers in those pre-information age days, so Planned Parenthood was a blessing.
I worked for years at an inner-city boys and girls club, and we had a problem in that city: Pre-teen girls were getting pregnant. So we put together a program to teach girls in the 9 to 13 age bracket about self-esteem and saying 'No' and about reproductive health. Planned Parenthood was an invaluable resource to us.
Until January, I supported the Susan B Komen Foundation, even despite the organization's uncharitable legal action against other cancer-related fundraising groups using the "For The Cure" phrase that they've apparently copyrighted. Cancer has blighted my family for generations and I was delighted to donate to an organization that focused on both cancer and women's health. But their choice to bow to political pressure from people who do not support women's reproductive rights has turned me from a supporter to an active anti-Komen activist. Planned Parenthood is one of the few organizations that provides no-strings-attached (ie apolitical, non-religious) women's health -- and thus women's breast health -- care to poor and young women. And for the Komen Foundation to cut off funding for breast-health services at Planned Parenthood is inexcusable.
I'm doing my best to raise awareness of how reproductive politics has invaded the Komen Foundation and which side they've chosen to take. I'm doing my best to raise awareness of how, in choosing sides on an issue tangential to it's stated cause, The Komen Foundation is no longer serving it's mission to bring universal screening and breast cancer treatment to all women.
While this controversy is still roaring, please re-consider your support of the Komen Foundation. Stop buying Breast Cancer Pink Ribbon products like these. Contact the Komen Foundation and urge them to keep reproductive rights politics out of their funding practices (see the note I submitted below). And most of all, please donate to Planned Parenthood so they can continue to provide breast cancer education and screening services to women all over America.
Thank you for reading.
Dear Komen Foundation--Shame on you for failing in your mission to support universal screening and breast health care by cutting off funding to Planned Parenthood. It is sad to realize that you've bowed to reproductive rights political pressures and tried to hide it by disguising your decision as being caused by the specious allegations and inquiry by US Rep. Cliff Stearns. Planned Parenthood is regularly audited to ensure compliance with the Hyde Amendment, and these audits have never turned up any evidence of wrongdoing. Please keep reproductive rights politics out of your funding practices. In making this choice you are failing women all over America. Shame on you!
Wednesday, February 1, 2012
Letter #1 to my unborn son
Dear Baby Boy,
In this, our 23rd week together, you are making your presence known, even though I am not obviously pregnant-looking yet. I can feel you moving around, though at this point I can't tell if you are contra-dancing or taiko drumming -- it feels like both sometimes.
It seems like you are going to have your father's sweet-tooth, based on all the sweets-related cravings I'm experiencing right now. In the interests of keeping both of us healthy, however, I'm doing my best to resist. I want to keep my weight and blood-sugar levels down so there's no gestational diabetes or toxemia -- so help me out here and crave chopped salads again, ok?
Gifts from the baby registry have already started arriving. In less than four months you'll be wearing some of these things. They look so tiny, these clothes, which makes the thought of giving birth to you a little less scary, but also makes me fear my natural clumsiness, which is in full-force these days. Babies don't bounce when dropped ;)
I'm avoiding chemicals as much as I can, eating organic as much as I can afford. No artificial sweeteners, no foods nuked in plastic containers, no drinks from plastic bottles. The geneticist and biochemist in me is wary of the possible effects of man-made chemicals on you. Your father has taken over the chemical-related yard duties and even some of the cleaning, too.
Soon we'll start setting up the nursery-zone in my bedroom. I know it seems a bit late in the game to some people, but I've only known you were coming for about 6 weeks now. I want to keep you near for at least the first year, so it will be a while before you get a room of your own.
Love,
Mama
PS: Thanks for letting me sleep through the night last night.
In this, our 23rd week together, you are making your presence known, even though I am not obviously pregnant-looking yet. I can feel you moving around, though at this point I can't tell if you are contra-dancing or taiko drumming -- it feels like both sometimes.
It seems like you are going to have your father's sweet-tooth, based on all the sweets-related cravings I'm experiencing right now. In the interests of keeping both of us healthy, however, I'm doing my best to resist. I want to keep my weight and blood-sugar levels down so there's no gestational diabetes or toxemia -- so help me out here and crave chopped salads again, ok?
Gifts from the baby registry have already started arriving. In less than four months you'll be wearing some of these things. They look so tiny, these clothes, which makes the thought of giving birth to you a little less scary, but also makes me fear my natural clumsiness, which is in full-force these days. Babies don't bounce when dropped ;)
I'm avoiding chemicals as much as I can, eating organic as much as I can afford. No artificial sweeteners, no foods nuked in plastic containers, no drinks from plastic bottles. The geneticist and biochemist in me is wary of the possible effects of man-made chemicals on you. Your father has taken over the chemical-related yard duties and even some of the cleaning, too.
Soon we'll start setting up the nursery-zone in my bedroom. I know it seems a bit late in the game to some people, but I've only known you were coming for about 6 weeks now. I want to keep you near for at least the first year, so it will be a while before you get a room of your own.
Love,
Mama
PS: Thanks for letting me sleep through the night last night.
Tuesday, January 31, 2012
Pain in the... breast
I have a very high pain tolerance, and I'm very good at
ignoring pain. So good in fact that I almost died a few years ago. I've since learned to
listen to my body better, and to make better determinations as to what pain means (ie something is wrong) and when it is time to do something about it.
For about 6 weeks I've been experiencing pain in one of my breasts, the kind of pain that wakes me up in the middle of the night, moaning and clutching at myself. It took me about a month to determine why one breast was hurting more than the other -- a recurring inflammation / skin infection that I've been trying to get rid of for over a year. It hadn't occurred to me that the infection had penetrated beyond the subcutaneous level until I started feeling pain deeper in my breast.
I told my doctor I wanted it excised but she insisted on trying antibiotics again to clear it up, mainly because it didn't look like much on the surface. After 10 days of Keflex and my second-ever yeast infection I told my doc that the infection had no subsided and requested an outpatient surgery appointment. I got one the next day, and when I went in the nurse who did the preliminary examination said she didn't think it would need to be opened up. I just smiled.
When the surgeon examined me and heard my story, he agreed that the infected area should be removed, but didn't think that the infection went beyond the subcutaneous level. I figured once he had the wound opened, he'd see for sure. And sure enough, the infection had reached into the underlying breast tissue, which explained why I was experiencing so much pain. Fortunately, the high dosage of antibiotics had reduced the inflammation, etc, so the debridement was fairly straight-forward.
Now it's just a matter of more antibiotics and careful watching of the wound. And because I'm pregnant, no oxycodone, just Tylenol for pain. Meh.
For about 6 weeks I've been experiencing pain in one of my breasts, the kind of pain that wakes me up in the middle of the night, moaning and clutching at myself. It took me about a month to determine why one breast was hurting more than the other -- a recurring inflammation / skin infection that I've been trying to get rid of for over a year. It hadn't occurred to me that the infection had penetrated beyond the subcutaneous level until I started feeling pain deeper in my breast.
I told my doctor I wanted it excised but she insisted on trying antibiotics again to clear it up, mainly because it didn't look like much on the surface. After 10 days of Keflex and my second-ever yeast infection I told my doc that the infection had no subsided and requested an outpatient surgery appointment. I got one the next day, and when I went in the nurse who did the preliminary examination said she didn't think it would need to be opened up. I just smiled.
When the surgeon examined me and heard my story, he agreed that the infected area should be removed, but didn't think that the infection went beyond the subcutaneous level. I figured once he had the wound opened, he'd see for sure. And sure enough, the infection had reached into the underlying breast tissue, which explained why I was experiencing so much pain. Fortunately, the high dosage of antibiotics had reduced the inflammation, etc, so the debridement was fairly straight-forward.
Now it's just a matter of more antibiotics and careful watching of the wound. And because I'm pregnant, no oxycodone, just Tylenol for pain. Meh.
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