It is good to know that all the feedback I received about mother-in-laws mellowing once they meet their grandchildren is true. The visit from M's mother went very well. Better than either he or I
expected, based upon her previous visit and comments regarding the
pregnancy. Unfortunately, I had a GERD episode in the middle of her visit so I didn't get to do much with her, however, it was a blessing that she was here to take care of the Little Man while I spent the day in bed running a temp and coughing up aspirated stomach acid and phlegm. I've a feeling that my LES valve has been damaged somehow either during or after the pregnancy, because I can't lay down with anything in my stomach or it will come up. The back of M's head can testify to that, poor dear. I'm waiting to hear back from my doctor as to what to do next.
I've been (loosely) following the Dr. Sears approach to Attachment Parenting because it makes sense to me. My goal is to foster a strong sense of security in the Little Man, the kind of security that comes from trusting that the adults in his life will meet his needs. It is my hope that I'll never lose that trust, because one of the things I've been processing as I've been caring for my son are the early memories of my own mother, and my lack of trust in her.
I should state that my mom wasn't a bad mother per se... she just wasn't a good one. She wasn't very maternal or nurturing -- I recently confirmed this with her best friend from my childhood years, wanting to make sure my child's memory and Reality squared-up. Getting married and having children was, for her, the cost of freedom. Being a wife and mother, however, was not terribly interesting to her, and she put both roles behind her when I was 9. I chalk it off as a Me-Generation thing.
Anyway... I can remember as early as 4 or 5 not telling my mother about an injury because I knew she'd hurt me in the process of attending to it, and knew she wouldn't provide any comfort to offset the pain. It was not an isolated incident, either. I should have gotten stitches on that occasion, and still have the scar to remember it by. Even today I am convinced that the ugly scar is better than the care would have been.
As a consequence of my lack of trust in my parents (my VietNam Vet father was a whole other story), I had trust issues until I entered grief-therapy in my mid-Thirties. Since I know what lasting impressions parenting styles can have on children, I'm determined to create and maintain a sense of security and trust with my son -- even if it means less sleep for now :)
Several times a day, Little Man meets my eyes and smiles this special smile that causes something inside me to flutter. It's a bit like the tearful-wonder feeling I get when my milk lets down. That smile lets me know I'm doing it right, this motherhood thing. Evolution at work -- the maternal instinct is alive and well in me.
This weekend is a just-us weekend, except for a BBQ at a friend's house, and the following weekend M's father and sister arrive for a week-long visit. Fortunately for them, there really isn't much work left to be done on the house, so they'll actually get to enjoy a California vacation with the newest addition to the family. Then a week later it's my step-mother and step-sister. My step-mom is willing to stay for several days, if we want. M seems to be pretty comfortable with her, her nursy-talk about illnesses notwithstanding.
Showing posts with label medical care. Show all posts
Showing posts with label medical care. Show all posts
Wednesday, August 22, 2012
Monday, July 2, 2012
One Month Old
Little Man has been with us a month now, and wow, what a month!
It's amazing how quickly M and I have adapted our lives to the extreme changes that come with having a baby around 24/7. And amazing how much we haven't had to change.
Dining out, for now anyway, is still feasible. So is going to the movies. Sleep has become a luxury, though I know I'm getting more than a lot of new parents do. Little Man sleeps for a 4 hour stretch most nights. Keeping up with the house-work is a little more challenging, especially while M is home on paternity leave. Let's just say that he is getting a LOT more sleep than I am, often until nearly noon, and as a courtesy I avoid doing things like running the vacuum and other appliances until he is awake. At which point the noise bothers him. Ah well. A couple more weeks and he'll be back at work. And then all the family on his side will be coming to visit.
I'm finding that there are conveniences to bottle-feeding Little Man, but for the most part, I'm trying not to regret giving him the bottle, since he no longer wants to latch on to my breast. Too much work to get that milk, I think. I'm pumping about 30 ounces of milk a day and he's drinking nearly all of it, the little glutton. He's gained two pounds his first month of life, so he's less wrinkled. His cheeks are looking chubby and his thighs are filling-out, but he does not yet exhibit the rolls of fat that are characteristic of breast-fed babies.
He's less of a baby-blob than I thought he'd be. Past experiences with other infants lead me to believe that he'd mostly sleep when he wasn't eating, but Little Man is often alert and active for hours at a time. He surprised me on our first night with his ability to lift his head and shoulders, and as each day goes by, he gets stronger and stronger. He uses his hands to grip my clothes and uses his little legs to push himself as he climbs up my torso to reposition himself. Sometimes he likes being low on my belly, while at others, he wants to rest his forehead against my collarbone. He's also learning to mimic facial expressions. M has taught him how to stick out his tongue and make fish-lips. He's also starting to smile more and make noises, starting to experiment with his voice.
He's often enraptured by his father. M has a wonderful voice, and Little Man will turn to look at him, his eyes wide. M often unbuttons his shirts and puts the baby on his chest, especially when Little Man is being fussy and nothing I do settles him down. It's a heart-warming picture -- father and son enjoying a skin-on-skin interlude.
My body is mostly back to normal. The swelling in my feet is gone, and the tingling in my fingers, as well. The bulk of the bleeding stopped around day 20, and the lochia has been very light since then, though I've noticed a little bit of spotting again, the past couple of days. I've been walking a mile+ most days, some of them pushing Little Man in his pram, others wearing him in the Baby Bjorn. After half a mile of carrying him, it's definitely more of a workout. I've resumed most of my normal activities with the exception of heavy-lifting and other forms of exercise that put strain on the abdominal area. I don't want any hernias or other complications from over-exerting. So painting and power tools and gardening, yes, but no resistance-band training yet.
Motherhood seems to agree with me. My neighbors have commented that I seem to have un-aged a decade or two. Looking in the mirror, I do notice that something is different. I'm 44 and I have no wrinkles. Very little gray hair. My skin looks great (must be all that coco butter cream I'm slathering on after I shower) and the odd blemishes that appeared during pregnancy have completely cleared up. Breastfeeding is taking a fair amount of weight off of me, so much in fact that I'm meeting with a dietician/nutritionist today to see what I can do about that. I don't mind dropping a pound a week, but 4 pounds a week is just too fast, and I'm worried about endangering my milk supply. As it is, I've pulled sorted through the bin of 'someday' clothes in my closet, only to realize that I've dropped two to three dress sizes since last summer and there is very little that fits properly. Washing everything in hot water and drying on high has helped shrink some stuff up, and while I can still wear a lot of my shirts with my breasts ballooned to DD/F territory, even the smallest skirts and pants in my closet hang down around my hips. I suppose I'm going to have to bite the bullet and do some clothes shopping some day soon. Grr. I hate shopping.
I admit to being a bit tired, and on the rare night that Little Man is fussy, I struggle under the pall of exhaustion and irritability. I've awakened M a couple of times and handed the baby over to him when I'm at wit's end, though I try not to. M functions on 8 hours of sleep but needs 10. Less than 10 hours, or interrupted sleep, and he ends up with a headache all day, so I take care of the baby every night. M often takes over when he gets up, so I can nap for a few hours. I am already longing for the day that Little Man can speak his needs so it is easier to meet them.
Little Man is adorable when he's sleeping, and when he snuggles up against me and his breath puffs against my skin, all is right in the world. Everything slows down. Time simultaneously stops and flies. My world narrows down to the confines of our home and the peace and love that exists within it. And I think that is as it should be. Yes. It is as it should be.
It's amazing how quickly M and I have adapted our lives to the extreme changes that come with having a baby around 24/7. And amazing how much we haven't had to change.
Dining out, for now anyway, is still feasible. So is going to the movies. Sleep has become a luxury, though I know I'm getting more than a lot of new parents do. Little Man sleeps for a 4 hour stretch most nights. Keeping up with the house-work is a little more challenging, especially while M is home on paternity leave. Let's just say that he is getting a LOT more sleep than I am, often until nearly noon, and as a courtesy I avoid doing things like running the vacuum and other appliances until he is awake. At which point the noise bothers him. Ah well. A couple more weeks and he'll be back at work. And then all the family on his side will be coming to visit.
I'm finding that there are conveniences to bottle-feeding Little Man, but for the most part, I'm trying not to regret giving him the bottle, since he no longer wants to latch on to my breast. Too much work to get that milk, I think. I'm pumping about 30 ounces of milk a day and he's drinking nearly all of it, the little glutton. He's gained two pounds his first month of life, so he's less wrinkled. His cheeks are looking chubby and his thighs are filling-out, but he does not yet exhibit the rolls of fat that are characteristic of breast-fed babies.
He's less of a baby-blob than I thought he'd be. Past experiences with other infants lead me to believe that he'd mostly sleep when he wasn't eating, but Little Man is often alert and active for hours at a time. He surprised me on our first night with his ability to lift his head and shoulders, and as each day goes by, he gets stronger and stronger. He uses his hands to grip my clothes and uses his little legs to push himself as he climbs up my torso to reposition himself. Sometimes he likes being low on my belly, while at others, he wants to rest his forehead against my collarbone. He's also learning to mimic facial expressions. M has taught him how to stick out his tongue and make fish-lips. He's also starting to smile more and make noises, starting to experiment with his voice.
He's often enraptured by his father. M has a wonderful voice, and Little Man will turn to look at him, his eyes wide. M often unbuttons his shirts and puts the baby on his chest, especially when Little Man is being fussy and nothing I do settles him down. It's a heart-warming picture -- father and son enjoying a skin-on-skin interlude.
My body is mostly back to normal. The swelling in my feet is gone, and the tingling in my fingers, as well. The bulk of the bleeding stopped around day 20, and the lochia has been very light since then, though I've noticed a little bit of spotting again, the past couple of days. I've been walking a mile+ most days, some of them pushing Little Man in his pram, others wearing him in the Baby Bjorn. After half a mile of carrying him, it's definitely more of a workout. I've resumed most of my normal activities with the exception of heavy-lifting and other forms of exercise that put strain on the abdominal area. I don't want any hernias or other complications from over-exerting. So painting and power tools and gardening, yes, but no resistance-band training yet.
Motherhood seems to agree with me. My neighbors have commented that I seem to have un-aged a decade or two. Looking in the mirror, I do notice that something is different. I'm 44 and I have no wrinkles. Very little gray hair. My skin looks great (must be all that coco butter cream I'm slathering on after I shower) and the odd blemishes that appeared during pregnancy have completely cleared up. Breastfeeding is taking a fair amount of weight off of me, so much in fact that I'm meeting with a dietician/nutritionist today to see what I can do about that. I don't mind dropping a pound a week, but 4 pounds a week is just too fast, and I'm worried about endangering my milk supply. As it is, I've pulled sorted through the bin of 'someday' clothes in my closet, only to realize that I've dropped two to three dress sizes since last summer and there is very little that fits properly. Washing everything in hot water and drying on high has helped shrink some stuff up, and while I can still wear a lot of my shirts with my breasts ballooned to DD/F territory, even the smallest skirts and pants in my closet hang down around my hips. I suppose I'm going to have to bite the bullet and do some clothes shopping some day soon. Grr. I hate shopping.
I admit to being a bit tired, and on the rare night that Little Man is fussy, I struggle under the pall of exhaustion and irritability. I've awakened M a couple of times and handed the baby over to him when I'm at wit's end, though I try not to. M functions on 8 hours of sleep but needs 10. Less than 10 hours, or interrupted sleep, and he ends up with a headache all day, so I take care of the baby every night. M often takes over when he gets up, so I can nap for a few hours. I am already longing for the day that Little Man can speak his needs so it is easier to meet them.
Little Man is adorable when he's sleeping, and when he snuggles up against me and his breath puffs against my skin, all is right in the world. Everything slows down. Time simultaneously stops and flies. My world narrows down to the confines of our home and the peace and love that exists within it. And I think that is as it should be. Yes. It is as it should be.
Saturday, June 9, 2012
Little Man's First Week
This first week with our newborn has been challenging. Little Man is jaundiced, but improving. At full-term birth he was 7lbs 1oz but within 3 days he lost 9oz -- about 8% of his original weight. It was tough to see him losing weight on the colostrum he was drawing from my breasts, and when I was told it could take 5 days for my milk to come in, I felt real fear for him. I started drinking Mother's Milk tea and visualizing breasts full of milk during my meditative moments. When my milk came in I was ecstatic, and the blissed-out expression on Little Man's face as he fell asleep with a full belly of milk is one I will always remember.
Our next challenge to face was bowel movements. After 5 days he stopped passing the meconium (which I call toxic waste) and stopped passing anything at all. After 24 hours I called the advice line. They recommended I stimulate his bottom with petroleum jelly and breastfeed him longer and more often, so I did. After 48 hours I was at the pediatric clinic, where they tested his bilirubin (up but not at danger level), took his temperature with a generously lubed anal thermometer, and observed me breastfeeding him to make sure he was drawing enough milk. He was a very aggressive latcher, and I'm producing lots of milk, but the lactation nurse recommended that we supplement the breastfeeding with an additional 2oz of expressed milk every 2.5 to 3 hours. Five feedings later we got what we were looking for, thankfully, but with an undesired side-effect: nipple confusion. He won't latch on anymore, I think because it's so much easier to get milk from a bottle's nipple. So, once we've got his weight up and his bilirubin down, I'll start the battle to get him back on the breast. Thankfully, Kaiser Permanente is strongly committed to breastfeeding because it makes for healthier, happier babies, so I'm getting lots of support from the lactation consultants on staff.
Speaking of Kaiser Permanente, I've got to say that I'm really impressed with this foundation as a health care provider and insurer. My prenatal care was excellent. There was no stinginess when it came to making sure that the baby and I were as healthy as possible, and with all the ultrasounds, fetal non-stress tests, dozens of doctor's appointments, specialist visits, lab tests, etc, I only made one (yes one!) $10 co-pay. My only expenses were my medications and nutritional supplements, and gasoline for all the to-and-fro. The birth experience was great, too. The Redwood City birthing center is staffed with midwives in addition to nurses and doctors, which is why I chose it. It was a very caring environment and the staff all did a great job of keeping me in the loop and educating me so I could make informed choices about how to progress with the laboring and delivery processes. I ended up with two hospital stay co-pays of $100 each. Knowing that I didn't have to worry about minimum deductibles and residual fees made the pregnancy much less stressful than it otherwise could have been.
What else? I'm retaining more water now than I did during my pregnancy. My feet and ankles look pillowy. The past couple of days I've been wrapping them in compression bandages and elevating them, and it does help -- they look better than they used to, but some of the swelling comes back within an hour or so of removing them. I'm still feeling bloated and flabby, and very sore/tender from the waist down, but that is to be expected. Even so, it appears I lost a dress size or two during the pregnancy. I had to dig deep into my closet to find a pair of pants to wear that don't hang off of me, and most of my skirts are way too loose. It will be interesting to see what my weight is now, and what my dress size is once I've firmed up.
Daddy M is being great. He never fails to step-up when I ask him for something. He's taking time out each day to do a skin-on-skin snuggle with his son, and helps with the supplemental feedings. We had a couple of emotional flare-ups the day after my parents went home, mainly because I was in pain and tired and feeling overwhelmed, but since then, my emotional state has been balanced and my body is handling the pain/discomfort better as I'm adjusting to the new sleep schedule and feeling less tired.
Almost time to wake Little Man for his next feeding! I think I'm going to hop into the shower while I can.
Our next challenge to face was bowel movements. After 5 days he stopped passing the meconium (which I call toxic waste) and stopped passing anything at all. After 24 hours I called the advice line. They recommended I stimulate his bottom with petroleum jelly and breastfeed him longer and more often, so I did. After 48 hours I was at the pediatric clinic, where they tested his bilirubin (up but not at danger level), took his temperature with a generously lubed anal thermometer, and observed me breastfeeding him to make sure he was drawing enough milk. He was a very aggressive latcher, and I'm producing lots of milk, but the lactation nurse recommended that we supplement the breastfeeding with an additional 2oz of expressed milk every 2.5 to 3 hours. Five feedings later we got what we were looking for, thankfully, but with an undesired side-effect: nipple confusion. He won't latch on anymore, I think because it's so much easier to get milk from a bottle's nipple. So, once we've got his weight up and his bilirubin down, I'll start the battle to get him back on the breast. Thankfully, Kaiser Permanente is strongly committed to breastfeeding because it makes for healthier, happier babies, so I'm getting lots of support from the lactation consultants on staff.
Speaking of Kaiser Permanente, I've got to say that I'm really impressed with this foundation as a health care provider and insurer. My prenatal care was excellent. There was no stinginess when it came to making sure that the baby and I were as healthy as possible, and with all the ultrasounds, fetal non-stress tests, dozens of doctor's appointments, specialist visits, lab tests, etc, I only made one (yes one!) $10 co-pay. My only expenses were my medications and nutritional supplements, and gasoline for all the to-and-fro. The birth experience was great, too. The Redwood City birthing center is staffed with midwives in addition to nurses and doctors, which is why I chose it. It was a very caring environment and the staff all did a great job of keeping me in the loop and educating me so I could make informed choices about how to progress with the laboring and delivery processes. I ended up with two hospital stay co-pays of $100 each. Knowing that I didn't have to worry about minimum deductibles and residual fees made the pregnancy much less stressful than it otherwise could have been.
What else? I'm retaining more water now than I did during my pregnancy. My feet and ankles look pillowy. The past couple of days I've been wrapping them in compression bandages and elevating them, and it does help -- they look better than they used to, but some of the swelling comes back within an hour or so of removing them. I'm still feeling bloated and flabby, and very sore/tender from the waist down, but that is to be expected. Even so, it appears I lost a dress size or two during the pregnancy. I had to dig deep into my closet to find a pair of pants to wear that don't hang off of me, and most of my skirts are way too loose. It will be interesting to see what my weight is now, and what my dress size is once I've firmed up.
Daddy M is being great. He never fails to step-up when I ask him for something. He's taking time out each day to do a skin-on-skin snuggle with his son, and helps with the supplemental feedings. We had a couple of emotional flare-ups the day after my parents went home, mainly because I was in pain and tired and feeling overwhelmed, but since then, my emotional state has been balanced and my body is handling the pain/discomfort better as I'm adjusting to the new sleep schedule and feeling less tired.
Almost time to wake Little Man for his next feeding! I think I'm going to hop into the shower while I can.
Monday, May 7, 2012
Wading for the good baby
I feel like I'm living at a very high altitude these days. High altitude, or under water. All movement seems to require so much effort, and I feel the need to take great gulps of air -- only I don't have room to expand my lungs. The baby keeps kicking me in the diaphragm, which isn't helping. Sunday afternoon I was laying on my back, vise grips in hand, trying to tighten a bolt on the new Toto toilet that arrived this weekend, and the baby kept kicking my diaphragm, making me cough, which in turn worried my partner. Yes, I'm 37 weeks pregnant, but I'm the handy type, and I'm not good at laying around watching someone else sweat. I insist on helping, and M is gracious enough to wait for me while I move around like I'm wading through water. The only thing I seem to do quickly these days is void my bladder and refill it.
Anyway, the Toto toilet and washlet is installed now, and it's a real treat to use, but the tools are still laying about. It makes me a bit nuts, probably because my father was incredibly anal about his tools, and I used to get my butt kicked if tools weren't cleaned and put away where they belonged. I just didn't have the energy to put them away today, and M probably didn't either. Not to mention that he just sort of puts things on the gorilla shelves in the garage wherever they'll fit, instead of where they were when he grabbed them. He just doesn't have the motor-memory of where he got them from, even when he gets instructions from me as to where to find them. However, when I handle a thing, I can remember both the place I found it, and the last place I saw it. He doesn't have that talent, and relies on me to tell him where he left things. He usually asks before he starts searching, just on the off chance my mind has noted an object's whereabouts. I'm hoping this doesn't happen with the baby or poopy diapers or we're in trouble ;)
I'm losing a couple of pounds a week these days. I just can't seem to take in enough calories to meet the baby's needs and my own. I just don't have the room in my stomach right now. I've stocked the fridge with sopressata and genoa salami and sliced cheeses for quick calories, along with sugar snap peas and baby carrots. I also picked up some Healthy Choice fudge bars to complement the frozen yogurt bars I've been sucking on when my tummy is unhappy with me. When all else fails, it's protein drinks and bars. I'm getting sick more now than I did in the first trimester. I suppose I shouldn't whine about it too much. There are lots of women who end up with gestational diabetes and have to be very careful a bout what they eat. Luckily, my blood sugar has been in the 70s and 80s.
My Group B Strep test came back negative, so no need to run prophylactic antibiotics in the delivery room. I wasn't sure what to expect for the test results -- after my bout with septicemia and the mega-doses of state of the art IV antibiotics I received for 6 weeks, I expect whatever bacterial colonies I've got now are highly resistant to conventional treatment. A few months ago an area of skin infection had to be excised because antibiotics weren't clearing it up. Fortunately, the healthy tissue healed up very quickly.
I find myself wondering what the baby is going to look like. I'm hoping he has his father's brown eyes. Mine are brown, as well, but there is something about his eyes... I'd love to look into our child's face and see his father's eyes. Of course, both of us having brown eyes doesn't guarantee that the baby will be brown-eyed. Eye color has multi-genic heritability, and we've both got blue eyes in the family -- and green on my side, as well. My big hopes are that he gets his father's nose and metabolism instead of mine. M hopes that the baby gets the tall genes that run on my father's side of the family.
Being pregnant when it is hot really sucks. I'm having difficulty staying hydrated when I'm out and about at all the prenatal appointments, shopping for groceries, and picking up the last bits of things I need for the baby's arrival. The heat also makes it difficult to muster interest in food, which impacts my energy level. Thankfully the house has stayed cool even without the A/C on. It's 85F outside and 72F inside.
I think I'm going to lay down for a nap. I woke up wildly hungry at 3am this morning, and again at 6:00am with the birds.I'm starting to keep breastfeeding hours, I think :)
Anyway, the Toto toilet and washlet is installed now, and it's a real treat to use, but the tools are still laying about. It makes me a bit nuts, probably because my father was incredibly anal about his tools, and I used to get my butt kicked if tools weren't cleaned and put away where they belonged. I just didn't have the energy to put them away today, and M probably didn't either. Not to mention that he just sort of puts things on the gorilla shelves in the garage wherever they'll fit, instead of where they were when he grabbed them. He just doesn't have the motor-memory of where he got them from, even when he gets instructions from me as to where to find them. However, when I handle a thing, I can remember both the place I found it, and the last place I saw it. He doesn't have that talent, and relies on me to tell him where he left things. He usually asks before he starts searching, just on the off chance my mind has noted an object's whereabouts. I'm hoping this doesn't happen with the baby or poopy diapers or we're in trouble ;)
I'm losing a couple of pounds a week these days. I just can't seem to take in enough calories to meet the baby's needs and my own. I just don't have the room in my stomach right now. I've stocked the fridge with sopressata and genoa salami and sliced cheeses for quick calories, along with sugar snap peas and baby carrots. I also picked up some Healthy Choice fudge bars to complement the frozen yogurt bars I've been sucking on when my tummy is unhappy with me. When all else fails, it's protein drinks and bars. I'm getting sick more now than I did in the first trimester. I suppose I shouldn't whine about it too much. There are lots of women who end up with gestational diabetes and have to be very careful a bout what they eat. Luckily, my blood sugar has been in the 70s and 80s.
My Group B Strep test came back negative, so no need to run prophylactic antibiotics in the delivery room. I wasn't sure what to expect for the test results -- after my bout with septicemia and the mega-doses of state of the art IV antibiotics I received for 6 weeks, I expect whatever bacterial colonies I've got now are highly resistant to conventional treatment. A few months ago an area of skin infection had to be excised because antibiotics weren't clearing it up. Fortunately, the healthy tissue healed up very quickly.
I find myself wondering what the baby is going to look like. I'm hoping he has his father's brown eyes. Mine are brown, as well, but there is something about his eyes... I'd love to look into our child's face and see his father's eyes. Of course, both of us having brown eyes doesn't guarantee that the baby will be brown-eyed. Eye color has multi-genic heritability, and we've both got blue eyes in the family -- and green on my side, as well. My big hopes are that he gets his father's nose and metabolism instead of mine. M hopes that the baby gets the tall genes that run on my father's side of the family.
Being pregnant when it is hot really sucks. I'm having difficulty staying hydrated when I'm out and about at all the prenatal appointments, shopping for groceries, and picking up the last bits of things I need for the baby's arrival. The heat also makes it difficult to muster interest in food, which impacts my energy level. Thankfully the house has stayed cool even without the A/C on. It's 85F outside and 72F inside.
I think I'm going to lay down for a nap. I woke up wildly hungry at 3am this morning, and again at 6:00am with the birds.I'm starting to keep breastfeeding hours, I think :)
Monday, April 30, 2012
The soon-to-be-new-mom freak-out hour
We're moving the induce-by date up to the weekend of May 19-20. The weekend is more convenient for everyone, and if the baby is delivered Sunday afternoon between 4-7:30 there will be a ring-of-fire (annular) solar eclipse occuring over the Bay Area. Pretty cool.
I had an appointment with my primary care physician this morning per my obstetrician's recommendation. I'm experiencing some mild angina-like symptoms along with the occasional flutter (arrythmia) and given that I've had hypertension since Hell Year 2008 and pregnancy adds extra work for the heart, it's probably a good idea to get a cardiac check-up prior to the delivery marathon coming up in 20 days or so. The EKG showed mild sinus tachycardia -- not unusual during pregnancy, so that's good. Next time my heart races and my BP drops I'm supposed to drink water as my doc suspects my blood volume is getting low.
The fact that we're counting down in days now, rather than weeks, has me on the edge of freaking out. This pregnancy has happened very fast seeing as I didn't know I was pregnant until I was nearly 16 weeks. So that is part of it. It also seems like there is so much left to do, and I'm really impatient with my physical limitations right now. I'm bringing someone in on Thursday to clean the bathrooms and the floors, especially since we're having workmen in this week changing out the HVAC system. New furnace, new ducts, new A/C this week.
Fortunately, I've had some friends step up to help me figure out how to organize the baby gear and determine what is still needed. I'm normally a very organized person but all the tiny little baby clothes look alike to me. Now they've been sorted into bins for newborn, 0-3, 3-6, 6-9, 9-12 and 1 year +. After a lot of hunting around, I'm pretty sure I'll be heading to Ikea this week to pick up some Trofast frames and bins for organizing all the baby stuff. Once he's off on his own in his own room, the bins will be great for toy storage and the like, but for now, I'll use them for storing diapers, ointments, clothes, even as a changing table. So much STUFF.
Everything is going to change very soon. I've lived a mostly tetherless, responsibility-free life for the past 25 years, and now, at a time when my friends are becoming grandparents, I'm having my first and only child. All my adult life I avoided even having pets because I wanted to be free to go places and do things without having to worry about who was watering, walking, feeding, and paying attention to pets. I avoided getting married because it didn't make sense if I wasn't having kids. I even avoided accumulating much in the way of things (except books) because it seems to me that people become owned by their things and tied to a place because things need space.
And now there is a baby coming, and I can't return him to the store if he's too much bother ;) I can't just make a quick 10 minute trip to the grocery store anymore. Every move is going to have to be planned, every moment of the baby's time accounted for so that he's not unaccompanied. I've never minded being tied-up, but the knowledge that I'll soon be tied-down is freaking me out. 5 years ago someone I was dating told me I was commitment-phobic, and at the time, I thought that was rubbish. But CW was right about a lot of things, and it looks like he was right about that, too. I should send him an email and let him know. Men do love it when women tell them they're right :)
I had an appointment with my primary care physician this morning per my obstetrician's recommendation. I'm experiencing some mild angina-like symptoms along with the occasional flutter (arrythmia) and given that I've had hypertension since Hell Year 2008 and pregnancy adds extra work for the heart, it's probably a good idea to get a cardiac check-up prior to the delivery marathon coming up in 20 days or so. The EKG showed mild sinus tachycardia -- not unusual during pregnancy, so that's good. Next time my heart races and my BP drops I'm supposed to drink water as my doc suspects my blood volume is getting low.
The fact that we're counting down in days now, rather than weeks, has me on the edge of freaking out. This pregnancy has happened very fast seeing as I didn't know I was pregnant until I was nearly 16 weeks. So that is part of it. It also seems like there is so much left to do, and I'm really impatient with my physical limitations right now. I'm bringing someone in on Thursday to clean the bathrooms and the floors, especially since we're having workmen in this week changing out the HVAC system. New furnace, new ducts, new A/C this week.
Fortunately, I've had some friends step up to help me figure out how to organize the baby gear and determine what is still needed. I'm normally a very organized person but all the tiny little baby clothes look alike to me. Now they've been sorted into bins for newborn, 0-3, 3-6, 6-9, 9-12 and 1 year +. After a lot of hunting around, I'm pretty sure I'll be heading to Ikea this week to pick up some Trofast frames and bins for organizing all the baby stuff. Once he's off on his own in his own room, the bins will be great for toy storage and the like, but for now, I'll use them for storing diapers, ointments, clothes, even as a changing table. So much STUFF.
Everything is going to change very soon. I've lived a mostly tetherless, responsibility-free life for the past 25 years, and now, at a time when my friends are becoming grandparents, I'm having my first and only child. All my adult life I avoided even having pets because I wanted to be free to go places and do things without having to worry about who was watering, walking, feeding, and paying attention to pets. I avoided getting married because it didn't make sense if I wasn't having kids. I even avoided accumulating much in the way of things (except books) because it seems to me that people become owned by their things and tied to a place because things need space.
And now there is a baby coming, and I can't return him to the store if he's too much bother ;) I can't just make a quick 10 minute trip to the grocery store anymore. Every move is going to have to be planned, every moment of the baby's time accounted for so that he's not unaccompanied. I've never minded being tied-up, but the knowledge that I'll soon be tied-down is freaking me out. 5 years ago someone I was dating told me I was commitment-phobic, and at the time, I thought that was rubbish. But CW was right about a lot of things, and it looks like he was right about that, too. I should send him an email and let him know. Men do love it when women tell them they're right :)
Saturday, April 28, 2012
Got extreme nipple pain?
Welcome to the world of nipple vasospasm and/or Raynaud's of the nipple.
I am writing this as a public service, because I thought I was being a whimp about nipple pain and losing my mind, and I think there are more women out there like me than the medical community realizes.
Note: It appears that the anti-hypertensive drug Labetolol can cause extreme nipple pain as a side-effect. A lot of women experiencing hypertension during pregnancy are put on this drug. See my comment below dated 11/01/2016 for NIH and journal articles.
When we are pregnant and nursing (breastfeeding), women are told to expect a certain amount of breast-related discomfort. When we complain about extreme pain, we are sometimes diagnosed with mastitis. If treatment for mastitis fails, then we're told it's probably a fungal infection, like thrush. If treatment for fungal infection doesn't relieve the pain, mothers are told to grin and bear it, or give up breastfeeding. Thousands of women choose to suffer through agony because they know that breastfeeding is what is best for their children. Thousands more give up on breastfeeding entirely, feeling inadequate as mothers and unsupported by their physicians. I recently learned that nipple vasospasm, and particularly Raynaud's of the nipple, are leading causes of breastfeeding failure -- and no one knows about it.
Really. I first started experiencing it at about 5 months in to my pregnancy, when I started taking Labetalol for hypertension. I finally spoke of the throbbing, burning pain, I was told some women experienced that as their milk came in, and that it would fade. I knew that this level of intense pain just couldn't be 'normal', so I started researching online. It took me several hours of digging to turn up the information on Raynaud's/vasospasm of the nipple. My OB had never heard of it. She talked to another OB and that doctor told her she'd had a few patiednts with it over the years, but it was rare. I was referred to a lactation consultant who said my symptoms were characteristic of Raynaud's and recommended a medication(nifedipine) that I can't take while I'm pregnant. I have to wait until I'm breastfeeding. Meanwhile, I suffer.
What are the symptoms of Raynaud's or vasospasm of the nipple?
1-Extreme burning pain, the kind of nipple-on-fire pain that has you crying hysterically, wakes you up at night, doesn't respond to Tylenol, and makes you wish you could take drugs, drink alcohol, or knock your head against a wall until you find oblivion.
2-Extremely hard, puckered nipples and areolae, as if you'd been exposed to intense cold.
3-A blanching (whitening) of the tips of the nipples.
4-The areolae turn a very dark reddish, purplish, or bluish hue.
5-The edges of the aureolae sometimes turn a bright, angry red.
6-The pain lasts anywhere from just minutes, to over an hour.
If these symptoms are triggered by exposure to cold, it is called Raynaud's, otherwise, it is called nipple vasospasm. Whatever they call it, it is maddeningly painful.
I've tried Tylenol, sunburn gels, nipple ointments and numbing sprays, my hairdryer, warm washcloths, etc. The only thing that helps is a long, hot shower. The problem is, being pregnant, my tolerance for long, hot showers is pretty low. The other night I got out of the shower after 20 minutes, still with pain but bearable, and crawled into bed. 90 minutes later I was awake again. It took 30 minutes in a hot shower, with me feeling lightheaded and my knees about to buckle, before the horrid fucking pain abated.
I've experienced this for 5 nights running. I'm exhausted. I'm cranky. I'm dreading breastfeeding. As I emptied my dishwasher this morning, I was actually tempted by steak knives: I contemplated sawing off my nipples.
Several causes and treatments of nipple vasospasm are hypothesized. Causes could be too much caffeine, not enough B6 vitamins, exposure to cold, etc etc. Treatments recommended are heat, avoidance of vasocontrictors like caffeine and nicotine, ingesting vasodilators like nitrates, alcoholic beverages, niacin, and certain herbs. Based on the feedback I've been getting from other women, hypertensive meds, particularly Labetalol, may be causing this.
Ibuprofen helps some women, and Nifedipine usually works within days, and requires no more than 6 weeks at a low dosage to prevent recurrance. So the literature says.
I'm not sure what I'm going to do, especially on those nights when the pain outlasts my endurance of hot showers. Perhaps a bit of alcohol. This late in my pregnancy I'm not turning to ibuprofen and I'm not very tolerant of NSAIDs anyway. I might hit my doc up for prescription-strength topical lidocaine or procaine. Or maybe I'll get lucky and it will just disappear. I just know that I can't take another 23 days of this.
I hope that my research helps other women out there who are going crazy with nipple pain.
http://www.nbci.ca/index.php?option=com_content&view=article&id=52:vasospasm-and-raynauds-phenomenon&catid=5:information&Itemid=17
http://www.llli.org/nb/nbjulaug99p120.html
PostScript:
I was at my doctor's office for a routine fetal monitoring when this hit again. I sat in the chair and cried silently until the RN came in to check the tape and saw me. My pain tolerance is legendary so she was shocked. She asked what was going on. I showed her my breasts. Dark purplish aureolae and nipples, with the tips a shocking grayish white. She went and grabbed my OB. She examined me, gave me lidocaine cream and hot towels but they didn't make much difference. She asked me if anything helped. I defiantly told her about 1/2 ounce of scotch or Bailey's Irish Cream worked within a few minutes and I figured such a small amount wasn't going to affect the baby. She said I was right. She said that the stress hormones I was pumping out due to that level of pain was much worse for the baby than a small amount of alcohol. So now I've got doctor's orders to drink next time I have one of these vasospasms. Whee!
I am writing this as a public service, because I thought I was being a whimp about nipple pain and losing my mind, and I think there are more women out there like me than the medical community realizes.
Note: It appears that the anti-hypertensive drug Labetolol can cause extreme nipple pain as a side-effect. A lot of women experiencing hypertension during pregnancy are put on this drug. See my comment below dated 11/01/2016 for NIH and journal articles.
When we are pregnant and nursing (breastfeeding), women are told to expect a certain amount of breast-related discomfort. When we complain about extreme pain, we are sometimes diagnosed with mastitis. If treatment for mastitis fails, then we're told it's probably a fungal infection, like thrush. If treatment for fungal infection doesn't relieve the pain, mothers are told to grin and bear it, or give up breastfeeding. Thousands of women choose to suffer through agony because they know that breastfeeding is what is best for their children. Thousands more give up on breastfeeding entirely, feeling inadequate as mothers and unsupported by their physicians. I recently learned that nipple vasospasm, and particularly Raynaud's of the nipple, are leading causes of breastfeeding failure -- and no one knows about it.
Really. I first started experiencing it at about 5 months in to my pregnancy, when I started taking Labetalol for hypertension. I finally spoke of the throbbing, burning pain, I was told some women experienced that as their milk came in, and that it would fade. I knew that this level of intense pain just couldn't be 'normal', so I started researching online. It took me several hours of digging to turn up the information on Raynaud's/vasospasm of the nipple. My OB had never heard of it. She talked to another OB and that doctor told her she'd had a few patiednts with it over the years, but it was rare. I was referred to a lactation consultant who said my symptoms were characteristic of Raynaud's and recommended a medication(nifedipine) that I can't take while I'm pregnant. I have to wait until I'm breastfeeding. Meanwhile, I suffer.
What are the symptoms of Raynaud's or vasospasm of the nipple?
1-Extreme burning pain, the kind of nipple-on-fire pain that has you crying hysterically, wakes you up at night, doesn't respond to Tylenol, and makes you wish you could take drugs, drink alcohol, or knock your head against a wall until you find oblivion.
2-Extremely hard, puckered nipples and areolae, as if you'd been exposed to intense cold.
3-A blanching (whitening) of the tips of the nipples.
4-The areolae turn a very dark reddish, purplish, or bluish hue.
5-The edges of the aureolae sometimes turn a bright, angry red.
6-The pain lasts anywhere from just minutes, to over an hour.
If these symptoms are triggered by exposure to cold, it is called Raynaud's, otherwise, it is called nipple vasospasm. Whatever they call it, it is maddeningly painful.
I've tried Tylenol, sunburn gels, nipple ointments and numbing sprays, my hairdryer, warm washcloths, etc. The only thing that helps is a long, hot shower. The problem is, being pregnant, my tolerance for long, hot showers is pretty low. The other night I got out of the shower after 20 minutes, still with pain but bearable, and crawled into bed. 90 minutes later I was awake again. It took 30 minutes in a hot shower, with me feeling lightheaded and my knees about to buckle, before the horrid fucking pain abated.
I've experienced this for 5 nights running. I'm exhausted. I'm cranky. I'm dreading breastfeeding. As I emptied my dishwasher this morning, I was actually tempted by steak knives: I contemplated sawing off my nipples.
Several causes and treatments of nipple vasospasm are hypothesized. Causes could be too much caffeine, not enough B6 vitamins, exposure to cold, etc etc. Treatments recommended are heat, avoidance of vasocontrictors like caffeine and nicotine, ingesting vasodilators like nitrates, alcoholic beverages, niacin, and certain herbs. Based on the feedback I've been getting from other women, hypertensive meds, particularly Labetalol, may be causing this.
Ibuprofen helps some women, and Nifedipine usually works within days, and requires no more than 6 weeks at a low dosage to prevent recurrance. So the literature says.
I'm not sure what I'm going to do, especially on those nights when the pain outlasts my endurance of hot showers. Perhaps a bit of alcohol. This late in my pregnancy I'm not turning to ibuprofen and I'm not very tolerant of NSAIDs anyway. I might hit my doc up for prescription-strength topical lidocaine or procaine. Or maybe I'll get lucky and it will just disappear. I just know that I can't take another 23 days of this.
I hope that my research helps other women out there who are going crazy with nipple pain.
http://www.nbci.ca/index.php?option=com_content&view=article&id=52:vasospasm-and-raynauds-phenomenon&catid=5:information&Itemid=17
http://www.llli.org/nb/nbjulaug99p120.html
PostScript:
I was at my doctor's office for a routine fetal monitoring when this hit again. I sat in the chair and cried silently until the RN came in to check the tape and saw me. My pain tolerance is legendary so she was shocked. She asked what was going on. I showed her my breasts. Dark purplish aureolae and nipples, with the tips a shocking grayish white. She went and grabbed my OB. She examined me, gave me lidocaine cream and hot towels but they didn't make much difference. She asked me if anything helped. I defiantly told her about 1/2 ounce of scotch or Bailey's Irish Cream worked within a few minutes and I figured such a small amount wasn't going to affect the baby. She said I was right. She said that the stress hormones I was pumping out due to that level of pain was much worse for the baby than a small amount of alcohol. So now I've got doctor's orders to drink next time I have one of these vasospasms. Whee!
Saturday, April 21, 2012
Childbirth. Must I?
I had a high pain tolerance once. I could function well enough at level 10 that one of the paramedics didn't believe me when I told him it was that high. I offered to scream and projectile vomit for him (which I was trying very hard not to do) at which point his partner guided me onto the gurney. In the emergency room it took 3 doses of morphine to bring my pain-level down to a point that my body would lie still for an MRI of my internal organs. That's pain.
Nearly four years ago I was admitted to the hospital with a wound that had gone septic and beyond, to septic shock. I apparently came within hours of dying, had a couple of surgeries, weeks of hospital and home health care, and ended up with an 8-inch long & 4-inch deep open wound that had to heal up from the inside out. Endless bags of antibiotics until my veins were exhausted and I cried through IV pumps rather than admit it was time to change the IV site and invite even more agony (lesson learned: demand a PICC line if I'm going to be on an IV for more than a few days).
Talk about pain. The memory of the pain is still with me: it brings tears to my eyes. It cut through my dilaudid-on-demand; it made my whole body tremble and jerk, even in my sleep. I spent 10 days checked-out from my body, burrowed deep into some remote place in my mind. Those 10 days are lost to me, just pained haziness punctuated with moments of extreme agony. I vowed that I never, ever wanted to experience that kind of pain again.
Childbirth. On a scale of 1-10 it's just over 11, I've read. I am assured that the memory of labor pain fades with time. And of course, it does. It must. It's the thought of that in-the-moment gut-wrenching pain that freaks me out. I just don't know if I can muster the courage to face that kind of pain again, even with the help of an epidural. Sometimes I think about scheduling a C-section just to avoid it. And I probably would if I didn't want to have to deal with recovering from major surgery. I also know it is better for the baby to experience vaginal birth. Its like a full body massage--it gets the blood and lymph flowing, stimulates the muscles, etc. And that matters to me more than the memory of pain.
Childbirth. Never intended to go through it, feel completely unprepared to handle it. But it's how human life begins, so... meh. I'll keep trying to pysch myself into it. Perhaps the Labor & Delivery Tour at the hospital next weekend will help take the edge off some of the anxiety.
Saturday, April 7, 2012
Preliminary birth plan
I'm not sure what my birth plan is going to be yet, but I'm compiling notes about what I do and do not want happening over the course of the main event.
1-None of that fasting during childbirth crap. Bring on the clear liquids and light snacks. Athletes don't fast before and during endurance events, so why should laboring women?
2-If inducing labor, under no circumstances is Cytotec (misoprostol) to be used. It is not FDA approved for obstetric use and the obstetric effects can be horrific. Use Cervidil instead of PGE1 or PGE2 for better control of dosage and fewer side-effects. Avoid oxytocin if possible.
3-If labor is incredibly painful, administer epidural only once the baby is in the anterior position -and- dilation is 7cm or greater. Epidurals delay labor if administered too early.
4-If doing epidural, NO glucose IV -- use saline only -- and make sure they give at a max of 150ml/hr to prevent fluid overload, anemia, ketonuria, hyperbilirubinemia and blood-sugar issues, as well as site inflammation. Nutrition by mouth is better for mother and fetus.
5-Make sure someone attending the birth knows how to administer sterile water injections for back labor pain. Mid-wives are very familiar with this practice even if doctors aren't.
6-No forceps or other instruments are to be used for delivery.
7-No episiotomy unless it will prevent emergency use of instruments for delivery.
8-Absolutely no circumcision -- or there will be a madwoman administering castrations.
Anyone want to chime in with other recommendations?
1-None of that fasting during childbirth crap. Bring on the clear liquids and light snacks. Athletes don't fast before and during endurance events, so why should laboring women?
2-If inducing labor, under no circumstances is Cytotec (misoprostol) to be used. It is not FDA approved for obstetric use and the obstetric effects can be horrific. Use Cervidil instead of PGE1 or PGE2 for better control of dosage and fewer side-effects. Avoid oxytocin if possible.
3-If labor is incredibly painful, administer epidural only once the baby is in the anterior position -and- dilation is 7cm or greater. Epidurals delay labor if administered too early.
4-If doing epidural, NO glucose IV -- use saline only -- and make sure they give at a max of 150ml/hr to prevent fluid overload, anemia, ketonuria, hyperbilirubinemia and blood-sugar issues, as well as site inflammation. Nutrition by mouth is better for mother and fetus.
5-Make sure someone attending the birth knows how to administer sterile water injections for back labor pain. Mid-wives are very familiar with this practice even if doctors aren't.
6-No forceps or other instruments are to be used for delivery.
7-No episiotomy unless it will prevent emergency use of instruments for delivery.
8-Absolutely no circumcision -- or there will be a madwoman administering castrations.
Anyone want to chime in with other recommendations?
Sunday, April 1, 2012
Letter #3 to my unborn son
Little One,
In 7 weeks you'll be joining us, and your father and I are getting ready for your arrival.
A friend loaned us a book regarding childbirth, called A Thinking Woman's Guide to a Better Birth. I thought reading it would help alleviate my anxiety, but it hasn't -- in some ways it's made it worse. There are so many pros and cons with things like epidurals, inducing labor, episiotomies, obstetricians, midwives, etc. Everyone has an opinion. Some opinions are even based on facts. But the more I read about childbirth, the more I realize that modern medicine has interfered so deeply with women's reproductive matters that we've lost or come to distrust thousands of years of knowledge of something that is innate to us. Childbirth is a natural event that is treated more like a medical emergency waiting to happen, and I guess that is what has me so nervous about the birthing process. Honestly, I'd like to skip over that part and just have you delivered via stork, ok?
We've bought the infant car seat and the stroller for you -- we found a great, gently used Chicco Cortina travel system on Craig's List for 1/3 the cost of new. Your Grandpa Stan went with me to pick it up from a couple who are at Stanford University.
The gifts are coming in from the baby registry we set up on Amazon.com, and we've been getting wonderful items second-hand from friends, some with the tags still on them. Your Great Aunt Marsha sent a bib with a power-tie printed on the front, and a cute little sailor suit, and of course, a little golfer's outfit. My best friend from Junior High days sent a big box of toys and clothes, and two baby carriers. Your father's friend, David, and his partner, Lynn, brought over some of their favorites from their son's infancy, too. Their boy is 18 months and growing so fast! I know you'll be doing the same. I have some friends who are wonderful at knitting and crocheting, so we've got some beautiful little jackets and hats made with love just for you.
Meanwhile your, Grandfather has really been working hard with us to finish up the landscaping projects we've had going, especially the side-yard gravel-to-paver project. When you're walking around next summer I won't worry about you falling and getting hurt on that sharp-edged gravel anymore. The exterior of your home is shaping up very nicely, though the interior is in a minor state of disarray, thanks to a leak in the master bath. The good news is we've discovered a closet that was abandoned during a renovation. We've just got to figure out how we're going to make it useful and aesthetically pleasing once again.
You're going through your growth spurt right now, and for the first time in my life, I'm anemic. Your expanding circulatory system and red blood cells require lots of iron, so I'm having to supplement my prenatal vitamins with additional iron. I'll probably be doing that for several months, while you're nursing, too.
You're starting to crowd my lungs. I can't take deep breaths anymore, but I'm not feeling short of breath so far, so that is something to be thankful for. In addition to my lungs being crowded, so is my stomach. A lot of food just isn't agreeing with me these days, and vomiting hurts, so I'm eating a lot of yogurt and cottage cheese and blueberries and protein drinks and protein bars. My weight gain so far is at about 10 lbs, but I'm noticing that while my breasts and belly are growing, other areas are shrinking a bit. So far, there are no signs of gestational diabetes or pre-eclampsia, and my blood-pressure is very good. Sleeping for more than 3 hours at a time is nearly impossible now. I suppose it's one way for me to get ready for napping between feedings.
Jasper the kitten isn't very kittenish anymore. He's 8 months old now and weighs 9 lbs. We're hoping he outgrows his adolescent phase before you arrive, because he's a bit aggressively playful. He's fun and sweet and cuddly and he'll be a good companion animal for you when you're both older. I'm not sure how he's going to deal with competition for my breasts, though. They seem to be his favorite place to curl up for a nap.
Your father is being very good to me. I can't wait for the two of you to meet each other. He's such a wonderful, gentle-hearted man, and I think he's going to fall for you pretty hard. He's planning on taking all 7 weeks of his paternity leave so he can spend as much time with us as he can. As it is he's doing everything he can to help me with my physical discomfort right now, and he's great about joining me when I lay down for a nap so I can snuggle and rest. Snuggling up with him is like coming home. You'll understand what I mean some day soon, I'm sure.
Time for bed.
See you in 7 weeks, maybe sooner.
Mom
In 7 weeks you'll be joining us, and your father and I are getting ready for your arrival.
A friend loaned us a book regarding childbirth, called A Thinking Woman's Guide to a Better Birth. I thought reading it would help alleviate my anxiety, but it hasn't -- in some ways it's made it worse. There are so many pros and cons with things like epidurals, inducing labor, episiotomies, obstetricians, midwives, etc. Everyone has an opinion. Some opinions are even based on facts. But the more I read about childbirth, the more I realize that modern medicine has interfered so deeply with women's reproductive matters that we've lost or come to distrust thousands of years of knowledge of something that is innate to us. Childbirth is a natural event that is treated more like a medical emergency waiting to happen, and I guess that is what has me so nervous about the birthing process. Honestly, I'd like to skip over that part and just have you delivered via stork, ok?
We've bought the infant car seat and the stroller for you -- we found a great, gently used Chicco Cortina travel system on Craig's List for 1/3 the cost of new. Your Grandpa Stan went with me to pick it up from a couple who are at Stanford University.
The gifts are coming in from the baby registry we set up on Amazon.com, and we've been getting wonderful items second-hand from friends, some with the tags still on them. Your Great Aunt Marsha sent a bib with a power-tie printed on the front, and a cute little sailor suit, and of course, a little golfer's outfit. My best friend from Junior High days sent a big box of toys and clothes, and two baby carriers. Your father's friend, David, and his partner, Lynn, brought over some of their favorites from their son's infancy, too. Their boy is 18 months and growing so fast! I know you'll be doing the same. I have some friends who are wonderful at knitting and crocheting, so we've got some beautiful little jackets and hats made with love just for you.
Meanwhile your, Grandfather has really been working hard with us to finish up the landscaping projects we've had going, especially the side-yard gravel-to-paver project. When you're walking around next summer I won't worry about you falling and getting hurt on that sharp-edged gravel anymore. The exterior of your home is shaping up very nicely, though the interior is in a minor state of disarray, thanks to a leak in the master bath. The good news is we've discovered a closet that was abandoned during a renovation. We've just got to figure out how we're going to make it useful and aesthetically pleasing once again.
You're going through your growth spurt right now, and for the first time in my life, I'm anemic. Your expanding circulatory system and red blood cells require lots of iron, so I'm having to supplement my prenatal vitamins with additional iron. I'll probably be doing that for several months, while you're nursing, too.
You're starting to crowd my lungs. I can't take deep breaths anymore, but I'm not feeling short of breath so far, so that is something to be thankful for. In addition to my lungs being crowded, so is my stomach. A lot of food just isn't agreeing with me these days, and vomiting hurts, so I'm eating a lot of yogurt and cottage cheese and blueberries and protein drinks and protein bars. My weight gain so far is at about 10 lbs, but I'm noticing that while my breasts and belly are growing, other areas are shrinking a bit. So far, there are no signs of gestational diabetes or pre-eclampsia, and my blood-pressure is very good. Sleeping for more than 3 hours at a time is nearly impossible now. I suppose it's one way for me to get ready for napping between feedings.
Jasper the kitten isn't very kittenish anymore. He's 8 months old now and weighs 9 lbs. We're hoping he outgrows his adolescent phase before you arrive, because he's a bit aggressively playful. He's fun and sweet and cuddly and he'll be a good companion animal for you when you're both older. I'm not sure how he's going to deal with competition for my breasts, though. They seem to be his favorite place to curl up for a nap.
Your father is being very good to me. I can't wait for the two of you to meet each other. He's such a wonderful, gentle-hearted man, and I think he's going to fall for you pretty hard. He's planning on taking all 7 weeks of his paternity leave so he can spend as much time with us as he can. As it is he's doing everything he can to help me with my physical discomfort right now, and he's great about joining me when I lay down for a nap so I can snuggle and rest. Snuggling up with him is like coming home. You'll understand what I mean some day soon, I'm sure.
Time for bed.
See you in 7 weeks, maybe sooner.
Mom
Friday, March 23, 2012
Sleepless
A good night's sleep has become elusive. I'm up every couple of hours, lately with breast pain. There's nothing quite like waking up to the sound of your own moans. Even with my pain tolerance it's difficult to deal with, so I'm taking a couple of Tylenol most nights.
I'm starting to feel a bit anxious about breastfeeding -- and hoping the pain doesn't get much worse. I've had one hysterical-crying jag over terrible nipple pain and it really freaked M out. Poor dear. Even when I was in horrible pain from the infection and septicemia and the 8inch incision that had to close without stitches, I didn't express as much pain. Could be that septic experience "broke" my pain threshold, or could be that I'm just in that much pain. It's subjective, so what matters is -- it hurts!
The baby is getting bigger and he's a wiggle-worm. Last night M finally got to feel him moving around. Most of the time when M touches my belly the baby stops moving, but not this time. Maybe it's getting crowded in there?
Bigger baby means more internal pressure, which means I wake up more often with a need to shift positions. Which isn't easy anymore. Rolling over involves abdominal muscles that I just don't have the usual control over, so once I've rolled onto my back I feel like a turtle on it's back, trying to turn over. I'm considering trying rolling onto my belly/hands-and-knees and then laying on my other side from that position. Or maybe getting out of bed and then laying back down on the desired side. The nice thing about having a bed to myself is I can do that without disturbing anyone.
Being low on sleep makes me a bit cranky, and more than a little scattered. Combine that with all the hormonal pregnancy-brain stuff and I'm hardly recognizing myself these days. I can't seem to stay on top of commitments and appointments and whatnot. I've even called-off M's birthday party this weekend because I'm so tired that the thought of entertaining a large group of people for a few hours makes me want to cry.
But aside from the sleep deficit (which I'm sure I'll be getting used to once the baby comes) and the tender breasts, I'm feeling good. I'm learning to respect the limits of my body, so no more of those charlie-horse type cramps from over-exerting. I think that all the dietary supplements I'm taking are really helping support my health -- I haven't been sick in ages. Even the knee pain I experienced earlier in the pregnancy is gone, thankfully.
Eight more weeks. I can do eight more weeks of this. I think ;)
I'm starting to feel a bit anxious about breastfeeding -- and hoping the pain doesn't get much worse. I've had one hysterical-crying jag over terrible nipple pain and it really freaked M out. Poor dear. Even when I was in horrible pain from the infection and septicemia and the 8inch incision that had to close without stitches, I didn't express as much pain. Could be that septic experience "broke" my pain threshold, or could be that I'm just in that much pain. It's subjective, so what matters is -- it hurts!
The baby is getting bigger and he's a wiggle-worm. Last night M finally got to feel him moving around. Most of the time when M touches my belly the baby stops moving, but not this time. Maybe it's getting crowded in there?
Bigger baby means more internal pressure, which means I wake up more often with a need to shift positions. Which isn't easy anymore. Rolling over involves abdominal muscles that I just don't have the usual control over, so once I've rolled onto my back I feel like a turtle on it's back, trying to turn over. I'm considering trying rolling onto my belly/hands-and-knees and then laying on my other side from that position. Or maybe getting out of bed and then laying back down on the desired side. The nice thing about having a bed to myself is I can do that without disturbing anyone.
Being low on sleep makes me a bit cranky, and more than a little scattered. Combine that with all the hormonal pregnancy-brain stuff and I'm hardly recognizing myself these days. I can't seem to stay on top of commitments and appointments and whatnot. I've even called-off M's birthday party this weekend because I'm so tired that the thought of entertaining a large group of people for a few hours makes me want to cry.
But aside from the sleep deficit (which I'm sure I'll be getting used to once the baby comes) and the tender breasts, I'm feeling good. I'm learning to respect the limits of my body, so no more of those charlie-horse type cramps from over-exerting. I think that all the dietary supplements I'm taking are really helping support my health -- I haven't been sick in ages. Even the knee pain I experienced earlier in the pregnancy is gone, thankfully.
Eight more weeks. I can do eight more weeks of this. I think ;)
Tuesday, March 20, 2012
5 reasons why we shouldn't pass legislation to protect people from sinning
These are the top 5 reasons I can think of as to why we should not pass legislation to protect people from sinning:
1) What is "sin" is subjective. Depending on
your religious or cultural background, one person's sin is another
person's divine mandate. When trying to legislate against what one group
considers a sin, it is very likely that you're interfering with another
person's religious and/or civil liberties.
2) People who believe something is a sin still commit those sins. Some say it is a matter of degrees -- of whether something is a mortal, moral, priestly, venial or civil sin -- that determines whether they choose to "sin" or not. When you introduce shades of gray and give yourself permission to determine for yourself what sins you will and will not commit, it is hypocritical to then enforce your interpretations on others.
3) It makes for Big Brother Government. Laws
that regulate what people can and cannot do with their bodies because it
is "sinful" effectively puts the Government in your homes, your
bedrooms, your doctor's office, lawyer's office, and in some cases, in
your daughter's / wife's / mother's vagina. It gives government the
power to take subjective grey areas and render them into black-and-white
absolutes. It gives the government the authority to interfere with your civil liberties under the grounds of "protecting you from yourself."
5) If God gave Mankind the power to choose to sin or not to sin, who are we to interfere with God's Will? According to Scripture, God knew that Adam and Eve
would misuse their power to choose. Yet God chose to give them that
power, creating them "sufficient to have stood, though free to fall." If God is the ultimate authority, then why are Evangelicals undermining that authority by trying to strip others of their God-given right to self-determination?
Years
ago, in my High School Civics class, my instructor said something that
has stuck with me: "The best measure of a law is the possible abuse of
that law." He went on to explain that people propose laws with the best intentions in mind, but rarely consider the possible undesirable outcomes when those laws are used in unintended ways.
It is with that in mind that I opposed the Patriot Act and the expansion and renewal of that Act. Privacy and civil liberties have been eroded in order to save us from "terrorism." It is also with that in mind that I oppose all of the legislation out there that erodes women's rights to self-determination under the auspices of saving them from the "sin" of abortion.
The trans-vaginal ultrasound bills that have been circulated and passed and the Legislator's "just close your eyes" response fails to address the invasiveness of the ultrasound wand. A woman can't "just close her legs" when a technician tries to put the wand up her vagina -- not if she wants an abortion, anyway. We're giving government the authority to force women to submit to procedures they don't want under the auspices of preventing her from committing the "sin" of abortion. Not so long ago government had the authority to sterilize the mentally retarded and people in mental institutions because people thought it was wrong for them to reproduce and because they didn't want to deal with the reality of the sexual abuse that went on in those institutions which the pregnancies were evidence of. In just the same way, elements of our society are trying to prevent abortions from occurring while refusing to address the ugly societal realities of why women are wanting abortions in the first place.
And this legislation that gives doctors immunity from lawsuits if they lie to women about medical conditions that might result in a woman choosing to terminate the pregnancy sets a dangerous precedent. What next? It's ok for a doctor to lie to a patient's family if it prevents them following through with Grandma's medical directive to pull the plug on life support? It's ok for lawyers to lie to clients about the instructions in a living will or medical directive they just drafted regarding life support?
This is a slippery slope we really don't want to go down.
Friday, March 16, 2012
Mid-march: 10 weeks left, max.
It's been a busy March so far.
All the the work we planned to do to the exterior of the house has been accelerated from "sometime this summer" to "before the baby comes."
The landscapers completed the re-sod of the front yard and they planted two of the three flowering cherry trees for us. It looks spectacular, and was completed just in time for this week's downpour.
The update to the small strip alongside the driveway where we keep the garbage bins is almost complete. It's been a DIY project to remove the bark mulch and soil and replace it with pavers and pond pebbles. I gave myself a couple of charlie-horse level cramps in my low abdomen from hauling the .5 cubic foot bags of rocks around, thus putting an end to most of my lifting -- which is why the project isn't completely done yet. I took some bamboo fencing and built a frame around it (I love power tools), put it on wheels, and now we have a movable screen to camouflage the garbage bins. I just need to paint the frame white once it stops raining and the wood dries.
I also have some hosta, ferns, and astilbe to plant in the beds out front, but with 4 days of non-stop rain, I've not gotten around to it yet.
Meanwhile, the plum tree is almost done blooming, the peach tree has the most amazing pink-flamingo flowers, and two of the three flowering cherries are in bloom. The fuzzy, thumb-sized wisteria buds have become beautiful purple flower clusters, and the Impatiens sodenii (Poor Man's Rhododendron--what a stupid name for a gorgeous plant) that I dug up and divided two weeks ago is incredibly happy with the new locations. M and I also dug up and divided a whole bank of Lily of the Nile (Agapanthus) into about 100 plants. We used a half-dozen on our property, planted another 15 or so on the parking strips in the neighborhood, gave some away to neighbors, and let the landscaper (who looked longingly at the divisions) have the rest. They are such beautiful, zero-maintenance, drought-tolerant plants.
One of my cats has been sick for a week, a pet-food allergy I think, and I accidentally gave him the wrong kind of anti-histamine, which resulted in a very expensive over-night stay at the animal hospital a few blocks away.
I've had my follow-up ultrasound for the baby -- he's right on target size-wise for his age, thankfully, so my working to keep my weight down (just 4# gained so far!) isn't affecting his growth.
I've also done 24 hour urine collection for toxemia testing. I'm doing the kick counts now that I'm past the 28 week mark, and in a month I'll start doing the daily pee-on-a-stick test for toxemia. The last blood sugar test for gestational diabetes was great, but I'm due for a new one, as well as some blood-work. I'll probably get that done Monday.
Moving around is a lot less graceful, and I wasn't terribly graceful to begin with. I'm not quite ponderous, but getting there. Just rolling from one side to another in bed often results in little pains and moans. I can feel pulling sensations deep inside me as muscles stretch and ligaments loosen. For the most part my hair, nails, and skin are great, except where my skin is doing weird things. My breasts are filling in, and though they are hurting less right now, my nipples still seem to catch fire at random moments day and night. Standing, I cannot see my toes anymore. When I start feeling especially thwarted or limited, I just remind myself I've got 10 weeks left.
Tomorrow is St Patrick's day, and then a week later we'll have a birthday party for M. His father is coming to visit for a couple of weeks and hopefully the rain will let up so the two of them can tackle some of the outdoor projects that need to be done in the back yard area.
April is going to be busy with getting things ready for the baby inside the house. We've started getting baby gifts already, which is awesome! Baby shower in April, as well as most of the classes to prep me for childbirth and nursing. Oh, and we're looking at buying an investment (rental) property before the baby comes, so things probably will be intense right up to the moment the baby comes.
All the the work we planned to do to the exterior of the house has been accelerated from "sometime this summer" to "before the baby comes."
The landscapers completed the re-sod of the front yard and they planted two of the three flowering cherry trees for us. It looks spectacular, and was completed just in time for this week's downpour.
The update to the small strip alongside the driveway where we keep the garbage bins is almost complete. It's been a DIY project to remove the bark mulch and soil and replace it with pavers and pond pebbles. I gave myself a couple of charlie-horse level cramps in my low abdomen from hauling the .5 cubic foot bags of rocks around, thus putting an end to most of my lifting -- which is why the project isn't completely done yet. I took some bamboo fencing and built a frame around it (I love power tools), put it on wheels, and now we have a movable screen to camouflage the garbage bins. I just need to paint the frame white once it stops raining and the wood dries.
I also have some hosta, ferns, and astilbe to plant in the beds out front, but with 4 days of non-stop rain, I've not gotten around to it yet.
Meanwhile, the plum tree is almost done blooming, the peach tree has the most amazing pink-flamingo flowers, and two of the three flowering cherries are in bloom. The fuzzy, thumb-sized wisteria buds have become beautiful purple flower clusters, and the Impatiens sodenii (Poor Man's Rhododendron--what a stupid name for a gorgeous plant) that I dug up and divided two weeks ago is incredibly happy with the new locations. M and I also dug up and divided a whole bank of Lily of the Nile (Agapanthus) into about 100 plants. We used a half-dozen on our property, planted another 15 or so on the parking strips in the neighborhood, gave some away to neighbors, and let the landscaper (who looked longingly at the divisions) have the rest. They are such beautiful, zero-maintenance, drought-tolerant plants.
One of my cats has been sick for a week, a pet-food allergy I think, and I accidentally gave him the wrong kind of anti-histamine, which resulted in a very expensive over-night stay at the animal hospital a few blocks away.
I've had my follow-up ultrasound for the baby -- he's right on target size-wise for his age, thankfully, so my working to keep my weight down (just 4# gained so far!) isn't affecting his growth.
I've also done 24 hour urine collection for toxemia testing. I'm doing the kick counts now that I'm past the 28 week mark, and in a month I'll start doing the daily pee-on-a-stick test for toxemia. The last blood sugar test for gestational diabetes was great, but I'm due for a new one, as well as some blood-work. I'll probably get that done Monday.
Moving around is a lot less graceful, and I wasn't terribly graceful to begin with. I'm not quite ponderous, but getting there. Just rolling from one side to another in bed often results in little pains and moans. I can feel pulling sensations deep inside me as muscles stretch and ligaments loosen. For the most part my hair, nails, and skin are great, except where my skin is doing weird things. My breasts are filling in, and though they are hurting less right now, my nipples still seem to catch fire at random moments day and night. Standing, I cannot see my toes anymore. When I start feeling especially thwarted or limited, I just remind myself I've got 10 weeks left.
Tomorrow is St Patrick's day, and then a week later we'll have a birthday party for M. His father is coming to visit for a couple of weeks and hopefully the rain will let up so the two of them can tackle some of the outdoor projects that need to be done in the back yard area.
April is going to be busy with getting things ready for the baby inside the house. We've started getting baby gifts already, which is awesome! Baby shower in April, as well as most of the classes to prep me for childbirth and nursing. Oh, and we're looking at buying an investment (rental) property before the baby comes, so things probably will be intense right up to the moment the baby comes.
Saturday, February 11, 2012
Weight management during pregnancy
Late in the week I really started to feel pregnant. I can feel the rounded hardness of my uterus, see it protruding a bit (though not past my breasts), and notice that it's starting to affect the way I walk. I can't stabilize my torso/core using my abdominal muscles the way I normally do, so I'm holding my back and shoulders differently, and trying not to do the side-to-side waddle. At least, not yet.
Oh, and I feel really bloated. When I went in to see the obstetrician Friday I thought for sure she'd tell me I'd gained 10 pounds this month, that is how bloated I feel. But I've actually dropped two pounds. I'm about a 1/2 pound from my weight prior to going to Bali in October, and on target for a zero to 10 lbs net weight gain for my pregnancy.
Some people are really bothered that I'm trying not to gain any weight during this pregnancy, especially my friends and family who are nurses. They're worried I'm letting vanity get in the way of a healthy baby. It's not about vanity though, it's about having a healthy pregnancy. I worked really hard last year to lose weight and I dropped over 40 pounds. I could stand to lose 40 more -- in fact, that was my goal for 2012, before I found out I was pregnant in mid-December. I don't want to regain that weight and then have to lose it all over again, and I know that in my 40's the extra weight (and the extra calories and carbohydrates that cause the extra weight) can cause complications (such as gestational diabetes) that I'm desperate to avoid.
So I'm working with my obstetrician and my perinatologist and a dietician and a medical nutritionist to make sure I'm meeting my nutritional needs. I'm getting growth ultrasounds to make sure the baby is the right size for his age. I'm getting monthly blood and urine tests. I'm doing everything I can to make sure we're having a healthy baby -- I'm even avoiding 'diet' products that contain artificial sweeteners because of the metabolic byproducts. (For more on the subject of artificial sweeteners, see the last half of this Unintentional Mother post.)
I've also got the weight-maintenance tools I've picked up the past few years. I've learned how to handle cravings, for example. I know when to re-direct and when to relent. I know when to stop indulging (most of the time) and I know when to get rid of something tasty because I can't resist the temptation to keep indulging.
I think a lot of women gain 30+ pounds during pregnancy because they aren't in the habit of fighting cravings, and helpless under the hormonal and hunger-pang onslaught, they indulge, and indulge, and indulge. And that's ok. My sisters gained 50+ pounds with their first pregnancies. They lost it all, eventually, but one of them developed toxemia in all three of her pregnancies. They were also 20 years younger than I am now -- and I can't afford to wallow in a pint of ice cream a day, as tempting as that sounds ;)
I fully expect to put on some weight in my last trimester (which begins in a couple of weeks) because that is when the baby starts building subcutaneous fat and putting on his weight. But I'm doing everything I can to keep it under 10 pounds. For both the baby and me.
Oh, and I feel really bloated. When I went in to see the obstetrician Friday I thought for sure she'd tell me I'd gained 10 pounds this month, that is how bloated I feel. But I've actually dropped two pounds. I'm about a 1/2 pound from my weight prior to going to Bali in October, and on target for a zero to 10 lbs net weight gain for my pregnancy.
Some people are really bothered that I'm trying not to gain any weight during this pregnancy, especially my friends and family who are nurses. They're worried I'm letting vanity get in the way of a healthy baby. It's not about vanity though, it's about having a healthy pregnancy. I worked really hard last year to lose weight and I dropped over 40 pounds. I could stand to lose 40 more -- in fact, that was my goal for 2012, before I found out I was pregnant in mid-December. I don't want to regain that weight and then have to lose it all over again, and I know that in my 40's the extra weight (and the extra calories and carbohydrates that cause the extra weight) can cause complications (such as gestational diabetes) that I'm desperate to avoid.
So I'm working with my obstetrician and my perinatologist and a dietician and a medical nutritionist to make sure I'm meeting my nutritional needs. I'm getting growth ultrasounds to make sure the baby is the right size for his age. I'm getting monthly blood and urine tests. I'm doing everything I can to make sure we're having a healthy baby -- I'm even avoiding 'diet' products that contain artificial sweeteners because of the metabolic byproducts. (For more on the subject of artificial sweeteners, see the last half of this Unintentional Mother post.)
I've also got the weight-maintenance tools I've picked up the past few years. I've learned how to handle cravings, for example. I know when to re-direct and when to relent. I know when to stop indulging (most of the time) and I know when to get rid of something tasty because I can't resist the temptation to keep indulging.
I think a lot of women gain 30+ pounds during pregnancy because they aren't in the habit of fighting cravings, and helpless under the hormonal and hunger-pang onslaught, they indulge, and indulge, and indulge. And that's ok. My sisters gained 50+ pounds with their first pregnancies. They lost it all, eventually, but one of them developed toxemia in all three of her pregnancies. They were also 20 years younger than I am now -- and I can't afford to wallow in a pint of ice cream a day, as tempting as that sounds ;)
I fully expect to put on some weight in my last trimester (which begins in a couple of weeks) because that is when the baby starts building subcutaneous fat and putting on his weight. But I'm doing everything I can to keep it under 10 pounds. For both the baby and me.
Tuesday, January 31, 2012
Pain in the... breast
I have a very high pain tolerance, and I'm very good at
ignoring pain. So good in fact that I almost died a few years ago. I've since learned to
listen to my body better, and to make better determinations as to what pain means (ie something is wrong) and when it is time to do something about it.
For about 6 weeks I've been experiencing pain in one of my breasts, the kind of pain that wakes me up in the middle of the night, moaning and clutching at myself. It took me about a month to determine why one breast was hurting more than the other -- a recurring inflammation / skin infection that I've been trying to get rid of for over a year. It hadn't occurred to me that the infection had penetrated beyond the subcutaneous level until I started feeling pain deeper in my breast.
I told my doctor I wanted it excised but she insisted on trying antibiotics again to clear it up, mainly because it didn't look like much on the surface. After 10 days of Keflex and my second-ever yeast infection I told my doc that the infection had no subsided and requested an outpatient surgery appointment. I got one the next day, and when I went in the nurse who did the preliminary examination said she didn't think it would need to be opened up. I just smiled.
When the surgeon examined me and heard my story, he agreed that the infected area should be removed, but didn't think that the infection went beyond the subcutaneous level. I figured once he had the wound opened, he'd see for sure. And sure enough, the infection had reached into the underlying breast tissue, which explained why I was experiencing so much pain. Fortunately, the high dosage of antibiotics had reduced the inflammation, etc, so the debridement was fairly straight-forward.
Now it's just a matter of more antibiotics and careful watching of the wound. And because I'm pregnant, no oxycodone, just Tylenol for pain. Meh.
For about 6 weeks I've been experiencing pain in one of my breasts, the kind of pain that wakes me up in the middle of the night, moaning and clutching at myself. It took me about a month to determine why one breast was hurting more than the other -- a recurring inflammation / skin infection that I've been trying to get rid of for over a year. It hadn't occurred to me that the infection had penetrated beyond the subcutaneous level until I started feeling pain deeper in my breast.
I told my doctor I wanted it excised but she insisted on trying antibiotics again to clear it up, mainly because it didn't look like much on the surface. After 10 days of Keflex and my second-ever yeast infection I told my doc that the infection had no subsided and requested an outpatient surgery appointment. I got one the next day, and when I went in the nurse who did the preliminary examination said she didn't think it would need to be opened up. I just smiled.
When the surgeon examined me and heard my story, he agreed that the infected area should be removed, but didn't think that the infection went beyond the subcutaneous level. I figured once he had the wound opened, he'd see for sure. And sure enough, the infection had reached into the underlying breast tissue, which explained why I was experiencing so much pain. Fortunately, the high dosage of antibiotics had reduced the inflammation, etc, so the debridement was fairly straight-forward.
Now it's just a matter of more antibiotics and careful watching of the wound. And because I'm pregnant, no oxycodone, just Tylenol for pain. Meh.
Wednesday, January 18, 2012
Opinion: Circumcision is Genital Mutiliation
Last night, as we snuggled up in bed, father-to-be M spoke quietly into the darkness.
"I don't want him circumcised."
I was shocked by the flood of emotions that swamped me, mostly a mixture of rage and sadness. When I felt like I could speak, I responded.
"Absolutely not. Even if you wanted him circumcised, I would not allow it."
And then I lay there in the darkness and fumed, knowing that I might not be able to stop my son from being circumcised even if I explicitly told the hospital not to, because babies are circumcised "by mistake" all the time.
I consider circumcision to be genital mutilation. It is illegal to circumcise female children, and yet this leftover practice from the days of barbaric rituals performed on helpless male infants is still encouraged here in the US. I just don't get it.
I don't get why anyone could think it is a harmless practice to cut off the skin protecting an infant's penis. I remember years ago overhearing friends of my parents talking about how their new baby boy was so much fussier than their daughter had been, and I remember someone else saying knowingly "They always are."
Well DUH. Not only did he have the pain of an open wound, but it burned like HELL every time he urinated. And his parents and doctors did that to him for no medically sound reason. "Just because."
I just don't get why anyone would think it is ok for a baby to start out his first days in the world with a deliberately inflicted injury. Some people justify it by saying that they don't want their son to feel different from the other boys, or from his father. That's stupid. Some women say they aren't comfortable with the idea of having to clean an uncircumcised penis. That one really pisses me off. By that rationale it should be ok to circumcise girls, because girls are much more difficult to keep clean, especially during the diaper stage, because of all those folds of skin. Some people say they do it for religious reasons, and I consider that idiocy, too. If it is that important to your religious principles, then by God wait until he's old enough to consent to both the religion and the genital mutilation ritual.
Given my experience with male partners the past 20 years, I can say that uncut men are more sensual and enjoy better sex lives. The sensitivity of the foreskin itself is immense. The protection it provides for the head of the penis, which is supposed to be a mucus membrane, keeps all those nerve-endings alive and functioning optimally. Men who are circumcised are at a greater risk for erectile dysfunction, probably because their penises have been chafed by underwear for decades. I have yet to come across an intact male who needs Viagra.
I think that parents should be required to be present to witness this procedure being performed on their child. I've a feeling that there would be far fewer circumcisions then. I also think that requiring the presence of a guardian would eliminate the occurrence of "accidental" circumcisions like the well-publicized one that occurred in Miami a couple of years ago.
I feel a little better after this rant but I'm still angry and afraid. Angry that we mutilate helpless infants, and afraid that it might happen to mine, no matter how hard I try to protect him. I imagine myself in the delivery room screaming at the staff not to mutilate my son's genitals, over and over again, threatening to sue them, or even mutilate them myself, until I'm hoarse. That shouldn't be necessary, but it just might be, because bottom line -- hospitals have a financial incentive to perform circumcisions.
And that, my friends, is the saddest reason for circumcision of them all.
Articles and discussions on circumcision:
Male Circumcision and Quality of Sex Life (Psychology Today) by Gad Saad, PhD.
NOCIRC: Making the world safer for children
"I don't want him circumcised."
I was shocked by the flood of emotions that swamped me, mostly a mixture of rage and sadness. When I felt like I could speak, I responded.
"Absolutely not. Even if you wanted him circumcised, I would not allow it."
And then I lay there in the darkness and fumed, knowing that I might not be able to stop my son from being circumcised even if I explicitly told the hospital not to, because babies are circumcised "by mistake" all the time.
I consider circumcision to be genital mutilation. It is illegal to circumcise female children, and yet this leftover practice from the days of barbaric rituals performed on helpless male infants is still encouraged here in the US. I just don't get it.
I don't get why anyone could think it is a harmless practice to cut off the skin protecting an infant's penis. I remember years ago overhearing friends of my parents talking about how their new baby boy was so much fussier than their daughter had been, and I remember someone else saying knowingly "They always are."
Well DUH. Not only did he have the pain of an open wound, but it burned like HELL every time he urinated. And his parents and doctors did that to him for no medically sound reason. "Just because."
I just don't get why anyone would think it is ok for a baby to start out his first days in the world with a deliberately inflicted injury. Some people justify it by saying that they don't want their son to feel different from the other boys, or from his father. That's stupid. Some women say they aren't comfortable with the idea of having to clean an uncircumcised penis. That one really pisses me off. By that rationale it should be ok to circumcise girls, because girls are much more difficult to keep clean, especially during the diaper stage, because of all those folds of skin. Some people say they do it for religious reasons, and I consider that idiocy, too. If it is that important to your religious principles, then by God wait until he's old enough to consent to both the religion and the genital mutilation ritual.
Given my experience with male partners the past 20 years, I can say that uncut men are more sensual and enjoy better sex lives. The sensitivity of the foreskin itself is immense. The protection it provides for the head of the penis, which is supposed to be a mucus membrane, keeps all those nerve-endings alive and functioning optimally. Men who are circumcised are at a greater risk for erectile dysfunction, probably because their penises have been chafed by underwear for decades. I have yet to come across an intact male who needs Viagra.
I think that parents should be required to be present to witness this procedure being performed on their child. I've a feeling that there would be far fewer circumcisions then. I also think that requiring the presence of a guardian would eliminate the occurrence of "accidental" circumcisions like the well-publicized one that occurred in Miami a couple of years ago.
I feel a little better after this rant but I'm still angry and afraid. Angry that we mutilate helpless infants, and afraid that it might happen to mine, no matter how hard I try to protect him. I imagine myself in the delivery room screaming at the staff not to mutilate my son's genitals, over and over again, threatening to sue them, or even mutilate them myself, until I'm hoarse. That shouldn't be necessary, but it just might be, because bottom line -- hospitals have a financial incentive to perform circumcisions.
And that, my friends, is the saddest reason for circumcision of them all.
Articles and discussions on circumcision:
Male Circumcision and Quality of Sex Life (Psychology Today) by Gad Saad, PhD.
NOCIRC: Making the world safer for children
Friday, January 6, 2012
He moves!
As I was waiting at the airport to pick M's grandmother up after her long journey from Winnipeg, I felt the baby moving around for the first time. It was a fluttering sensation just above my pubic bone. Very cool!
19 weeks. Almost half-way through the pregnancy. I'm feeling so much better than I was in November. I've got my energy back. But being at the half-way mark, everything is starting to loom large (except my bladder). The planner in me wants to start putting together the baby-stuff and getting prepared for his arrival, but since we're still waiting on the genetic screening results before making a final decision, I'm sort of in limbo.
I'm doing my best to be okay with that.
Meanwhile, I'm getting excellent prenatal care through Kaiser. The follow-up is amazingly thorough -- or at least that is my experience. Then again, mine is classified as a high-risk pregnancy. I'm taking my blood pressure daily and they call once a week to go over the numbers. We're watching out for toxemia/preeclampsia.
So far, so good. I was in pretty good health before the pregnancy, so its a matter of maintaining that. I've got the prenatal vitamins, the Vit D and B-12, calcium chews, and thyroid meds to help with that.
19 weeks. Almost half-way through the pregnancy. I'm feeling so much better than I was in November. I've got my energy back. But being at the half-way mark, everything is starting to loom large (except my bladder). The planner in me wants to start putting together the baby-stuff and getting prepared for his arrival, but since we're still waiting on the genetic screening results before making a final decision, I'm sort of in limbo.
I'm doing my best to be okay with that.
Meanwhile, I'm getting excellent prenatal care through Kaiser. The follow-up is amazingly thorough -- or at least that is my experience. Then again, mine is classified as a high-risk pregnancy. I'm taking my blood pressure daily and they call once a week to go over the numbers. We're watching out for toxemia/preeclampsia.
So far, so good. I was in pretty good health before the pregnancy, so its a matter of maintaining that. I've got the prenatal vitamins, the Vit D and B-12, calcium chews, and thyroid meds to help with that.
Tuesday, January 3, 2012
Amniocentesis Day
I've had a fair amount of impatience and anxiety leading up to this day. I'm nearly 19 weeks pregnant and nearly 44 years old. I didn't plan to get pregnant. In fact, I was told I couldn't get pregnant. But I did get pregnant, and I was taking some medications you don't want to take when you're pregnant, and I was on a serious weight-reduction regimen that might have not been nutritionally optimal for early pregnancy.
And I'm nearly 44. I mentioned that, right? My eggs are 44 years old, too, and cells that old have a greater likelihood of developing genetic transcription errors during fertilization and cell division. In other words, birth defects.
So what makes all this so difficult is that I need an amniocentesis to determine with greater than 90% accuracy the presence or absence of certain birth defects. And you have to be around 16 weeks for amniocentesis, and the Holidays limited the number of slots available, and it can take 2 weeks for the results. And the longer I carry this baby the more attached to it I become.
I'm also anxious about M being there for the appointment. I don't want to do it alone, and I want him to be there because I hope it will help make the reality of the baby more real for him, as seeing the fetus on the first ultrasound did for me. He's not really engaged yet. I think he's trying not to become attached to it in case we get bad news. At least I hope that's it.
I think of the two of us M is the most nervous and conflicted. I think the responsibility for 3 people on a single income freaks him out a little, as does the concern about birth defects. The age difference between us is also a matter of concern. I think he's worried if something happened to me he'd be raising a child on his own. As it is, I'm looking at being 65 when this baby would reach 21, and he'd be 56. My grandmother was 45 when she brought my mother home, and I've many friends who were raised by 'older' parents. This is a situation that is becoming more common and accepted as women delay childbearing in favor of establishing careers, and I also know that there is longevity in my family -- It is possible for me live well into my 80s and 90s.
Impending lifestyle change is also a major concern for us both. In his case, he has always wanted children, so the adjustments on his part would have to be made eventually, but for me, well, most of it has never been on my radar. Peace and quiet will no longer reign, and spontaneous trips won't be possible for a long while. Baby-related expenses cutting into discretionary spending. Sleep shortages. Baby-proofing. M's penchant for leaving electronics and whatnot laying around would have to change. Residency and Visa concerns. The baby's citizenship. The list seems endless.
But back to today... This morning I drove down 101 to Kaiser Permanente's Santa Clara medical center, passing the campus where M worked, and hoping he wouldn't be too late. Just as I passed the exit for his work, he pulled onto the highway, right behind me. I didn't notice, even with him honking and waving at me from behind, so he called my cell phone. I felt such gratitude and relief that he was there, that he had my back, so to speak, that I wanted to cry.
We had a bit of a wait for our room, about 45 minutes, but once we got in, things happened pretty quickly. The ultrasound technician was great. Sweet and professional. She told me every move she was making in advance, so I'd have a moment to prepare myself. The ultrasound equipment was amazing. We got to see 3D images of the baby, inside and out. The halves of the brain, the chambers of the heart. Watched as it swallowed amniotic fluid that traveled down the esophagus. Counted fingers and toes. Saw nice long legs stretched out. And saw the external plumbing. (Yes, it's a boy!)
The perinatologist came in afterwards and reviewed the ultrasound image and video captures. She confirmed that the measurements for the baby were in line with the original due date of May 31, 2012 and that there we no obvious birth defects showing on the ultrasound. (Yes!)
And then they started prepping me for the amniocentesis. M seemed pretty anxious so I invited him to leave and he stepped out. Which made it easier for me to relax. There are times when having a strong connection with your partner is detrimental, and this was one of those times. I'd read up on the procedure, so I knew what to expect, but even so, I twitched when she pushed the needle through the uterine wall. I watched her draw the faintly yellowish fluid out, and then it was over.
I experienced some twinging cramps for about 30 minutes afterwards, and that was all. Minimal discomfort, really, and worth it, every moment of it, for the lab results I'm hoping to get in the next two weeks.
More waiting. I'll be well-distracted though. M's grandmother arrives in three days. She doesn't know about the pregnancy. It would be her first great-grandchild and he doesn't want to take that away from her if the tests come back with bad news, so he's waiting, too.
And I'm nearly 44. I mentioned that, right? My eggs are 44 years old, too, and cells that old have a greater likelihood of developing genetic transcription errors during fertilization and cell division. In other words, birth defects.
So what makes all this so difficult is that I need an amniocentesis to determine with greater than 90% accuracy the presence or absence of certain birth defects. And you have to be around 16 weeks for amniocentesis, and the Holidays limited the number of slots available, and it can take 2 weeks for the results. And the longer I carry this baby the more attached to it I become.
I'm also anxious about M being there for the appointment. I don't want to do it alone, and I want him to be there because I hope it will help make the reality of the baby more real for him, as seeing the fetus on the first ultrasound did for me. He's not really engaged yet. I think he's trying not to become attached to it in case we get bad news. At least I hope that's it.
I think of the two of us M is the most nervous and conflicted. I think the responsibility for 3 people on a single income freaks him out a little, as does the concern about birth defects. The age difference between us is also a matter of concern. I think he's worried if something happened to me he'd be raising a child on his own. As it is, I'm looking at being 65 when this baby would reach 21, and he'd be 56. My grandmother was 45 when she brought my mother home, and I've many friends who were raised by 'older' parents. This is a situation that is becoming more common and accepted as women delay childbearing in favor of establishing careers, and I also know that there is longevity in my family -- It is possible for me live well into my 80s and 90s.
Impending lifestyle change is also a major concern for us both. In his case, he has always wanted children, so the adjustments on his part would have to be made eventually, but for me, well, most of it has never been on my radar. Peace and quiet will no longer reign, and spontaneous trips won't be possible for a long while. Baby-related expenses cutting into discretionary spending. Sleep shortages. Baby-proofing. M's penchant for leaving electronics and whatnot laying around would have to change. Residency and Visa concerns. The baby's citizenship. The list seems endless.
But back to today... This morning I drove down 101 to Kaiser Permanente's Santa Clara medical center, passing the campus where M worked, and hoping he wouldn't be too late. Just as I passed the exit for his work, he pulled onto the highway, right behind me. I didn't notice, even with him honking and waving at me from behind, so he called my cell phone. I felt such gratitude and relief that he was there, that he had my back, so to speak, that I wanted to cry.
We had a bit of a wait for our room, about 45 minutes, but once we got in, things happened pretty quickly. The ultrasound technician was great. Sweet and professional. She told me every move she was making in advance, so I'd have a moment to prepare myself. The ultrasound equipment was amazing. We got to see 3D images of the baby, inside and out. The halves of the brain, the chambers of the heart. Watched as it swallowed amniotic fluid that traveled down the esophagus. Counted fingers and toes. Saw nice long legs stretched out. And saw the external plumbing. (Yes, it's a boy!)
The perinatologist came in afterwards and reviewed the ultrasound image and video captures. She confirmed that the measurements for the baby were in line with the original due date of May 31, 2012 and that there we no obvious birth defects showing on the ultrasound. (Yes!)
And then they started prepping me for the amniocentesis. M seemed pretty anxious so I invited him to leave and he stepped out. Which made it easier for me to relax. There are times when having a strong connection with your partner is detrimental, and this was one of those times. I'd read up on the procedure, so I knew what to expect, but even so, I twitched when she pushed the needle through the uterine wall. I watched her draw the faintly yellowish fluid out, and then it was over.
I experienced some twinging cramps for about 30 minutes afterwards, and that was all. Minimal discomfort, really, and worth it, every moment of it, for the lab results I'm hoping to get in the next two weeks.
More waiting. I'll be well-distracted though. M's grandmother arrives in three days. She doesn't know about the pregnancy. It would be her first great-grandchild and he doesn't want to take that away from her if the tests come back with bad news, so he's waiting, too.
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